I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Thursday, February 22, 2007


Believe what you want to believe about GOD’S creation of me, but I know for a fact that I was born this way. However I wish I wasn’t…just your above average 20-ish, pseudo-revolutionary, trying to make my mark on this world. I wish that being with me wasn’t the survival of the fittest. I wish that I wasn’t hated by some, loved by many, envied by all, wanted by plenty, intrigued by the unusual, fascinated by the original, and still yet impressed by nothing. I am the product of a stifling society, suffocating between walls of rules and stereotypes. Slowly bent out of shape the triangle peg forced into the square hole. I am a man struggling with confines and rebelling against constraints. I am a poet, a lover, an emotional wreck. My own worst enemy…A homosexual without apology! OH HOW I WISH...

I wish that it didn’t matter to me that I AM WHO I AM but it did. For the longest time it mattered to me and I've come to understand that no matter WHAT I am is who I am meant to be and I wish I felt the need to theorize about it. I wish that I still felt a need to blame my SEXUALITY on something; make it easy to explain to people…GOD HOW I HOPE UPON HOPE! To bad I realize I didn’t need to make excuses for it. I wish I knew that HOMOSEXUALITY needed to explained the same way HETEROSEXUALITY needed to be. I wish knew that the only thing that needed to be EXCUSED were those that HATED on me for my SAME-SEX-PRONE mentality…OH HOW I WISH

I wish I hadn't declare myself a human being then it would be easier for you to have your way with me. I wish that my presence here on this planet didn't make you face yourself and things you hate. Funny how I wish you didn't have to question YOUR SEXUALITY when seek mine. Funny how I make YOU SEE that YOUR HEART is dark and cold. Funny how I make your life interesting because focusing on YOUR OWN is too damn boring. I just wish that YOU would be MAN enough to step to me and tell that you want me to sample you; make YOU a MAN. I WISH YOU DIDN'T DESIRE ME SO...OH HOW I WISH that...I DIDN'T DECLARE MYSELF IN THIS WORLD THEN YOU COULD LIVE WHIT SUCH EASE AND THE LIES WOULDN'T MATTER...OH HOW I WISH!

I just wish the world was like my little neighborhood and my friends, helping and getting along, interracial love between gays and straights, ethnic groups sharing with ethnic groups. I wish I lived in a world where people not afraid to put forth love or care. I wish it didn’t matter if you are GAY/BI/STRAIGHT. I wish that selfishness, gluttony and destructive way of living weren’t so prevalent around me. I wish that I didn’t live in a society that claims to be Christian, yet seem to fail to follow Christ's single commandment to love God and each other. I wish that the evil trio of HYPOCRISY, BIGOTRY and SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS wasn’t the driving force that it is. I wish that the so-called Christians couldn’t use it to keep me away from Christian faith…OH HOW I WISH!

The WHORE in me…OH HOW SWEET to be a MAN that can separate SEX from LOVE…but I do wish that I wasn’t such a BULL and fucked a COW just once! I wish that I couldn’t dispose of another easily…I wish that when HE is sitting on the edge of my bed contemplating what he wants that I wish I cared. I wish that when I asked if HE wanted me to F&CK him that I really cared if he wants to or not…I wish that I wasn’t the MAN putting anther between a rock and hard place. I wish that I couldn’t relate to BLANCHE from the GOLDEN GIRLS, SAMANTHA from SEX AND THE CITY & EDIE from DESPARATE HOUSEWIVES. I wish at this point in my life I cared that I am viewed as a WHOREGUESS I SHOULD MAKE A BIGGER WISH SINCE I DON’T GIVE A F&CK! OH HOW I WISH

Beloved...OH HOW I WISH THE LORD LOVED ME! It's amazing to me how I am made to feel that I don't have GOD's LOVE because of who I am as a SEXUAL BEING. I find it interesting how society lives as if GOD didn't know have this all as apart of HIS BIGGER plan and GRAND design. I wish I didn't love the fact that I live in a place where people are ignorant to many facts. I wish I didn't LOVE the LORD and didn't LOVE ME back. I wish that HE could snap his fingers @ any given moment and change my FATE. I wish that HE gave a damn that HE made a F&CKED GAY MAN...I wish that GOD could come and do HIS job so that the others out here could stop PLAYING HIM...OH HOW I WISH!

Out of sight, out of patience...out of my mind...OH HOW I WISH...I wasn't drowning in a sea of anarchy wondering if all the thing I've seen were really happening. I wish we didn’t have Politicians on a mission, building themselves up only to come crashing down. I wish that justice wasn’t a fading light and that the world around me was getting to scary. I wish that our PRIME MINISTER would take a moment and realize that he actually suppose to lead this country. I wish the folks here on this island didn’t dance to beat of lies and untruths…OH HOW I WISH!

It is strange to think; I haven't seen you or your smile…guess I know that you are only here to trick me. You exist only to fool me and make me believe that you care about me…I wish that I could see the new moon and not you. Oh God how I wish for sunrises and sunsets and not your face. I wish the pieces of my broken heart weren’t so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I wish you miss me like the sun misses the flower; in the depths of winter. I wish you knew how hope guides me that is what gets me through the day and the night. I wish you knew how my walls were stripped away with the touch of your hand, and my armor was laid to rest with a kiss from your very lips. I wish you knew that all the remains of me is my mind and my soul and it is with that I write to you. I know the sun will rise in the morning and set tomorrow night, but I wish that before the sun seizes to rise and the moon seizes to set that I will gaze my eyes upon you. I can’t wait for the night when I can see the stars dance in your eyes…LOVE OH HOW I WISH!

So they tell me that SEX with a WOMAN is all the RAGE! It's unlike anything else in this world and nothing can compare to it. Funny how I've tasted it and don't recall my OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD experience. HMMM I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS? I wish I really cared that PUSSY don't mean a F&CK to me. I wish you were my flower of lust found between your legs. I wish that the exotic whispers and taboo looks turned me and got my D!CK hard. I wish you could reach my sexuality and tease all the fantasies in my mind. I wish that I longed to touch your imagination, feel your breath taking us beyond night's darkness to a passion where nothing else matters, but your PUSSY! I wish that within you I could discover a love so deep, so sweet that our soul gives birth to the spirit answer that we are…OH HOW I WISH!

I am ready for LOVE, pity it isn't ready for me. I have no choice but to sit and wait my turn; I remember those days when I wanted it so badly that forced it upon myself and thought good, now I have it! Funny how I didn't have it afterall, funny how things turned out, funny how life takes you where you need to be and not where you want to be...All I wish for was him to come and take my hand and lead the way. I wish he’d whisper softly in my ear, all those things I want to hear. I wish he’d kiss my lips and touch my skin; bring out passions deep within. I wish he’d pull me close and hold me near; take away my pain and fear. I wish he knew that in the darkness of the night how I wanted him to be my beacon and shine his light. I wish he’d give me wings so I can fly; for I can soar when he’s nearby. I so wish that he would enter my heart, break down the wall; it's time for me to watch it fall. I wish that he could see that I've been a prisoner and that only HE can break my chains and set me free. I wish he’d strip me of my armor tight and I hope he knows I won’t put up a fight. I wish he’d release my soul held deep within because I am ready to let LOVE in…OH HOW I WISH!


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