There is boy I know that has this predator deep inside of him, waiting to take over his life and devour him. He knows that his life is different yet he lives as if he doesn’t. Every time I turn around he has some new BOY FRIEND and there always seems to be some desperation for him to have some MAN in his life. I wish he would treat his soul better than he does. I know that the body is only temporary, but he acts as if it isn’t because he living his life through the flesh and not with his heart; however if one asks he would say that he is. From the moment I met him he always seemed sad and never smiled; seems as if his life was a black hole and it had an endless cycle that forced him to be sucked in over and over again. His trials and tribulations are exist because he needs to learn and his spirit need to grow. He is living his life blind trying to build self-esteem through his connection with others; never taking ownership of HIS soul. The crazy thing is that I can write about him because I know he was hit with HIV like the plane hitting the twin towers. I know he didn’t have a CHILDHOOD, but feel that’s no excuse to live as if he doesn’t have a future. One can have a real GOOD and PLEASANT life here on this planet living with this disease. All I ever hear from him is how he can’t help it if some guy wants to date him and how much he is love…YET AGAIN WITH ANOTHER GUY! You would think he would learn his after having more than one BOY FRIEND that has the disease. It’s like he is drawn to MEN that know of their HIV status, yet still they F&CK him as if they are ignorant of that fact. He knows that HE gives himself too easily in the name of LOVE only to be left hold the bag with nothing in it. How can I say I am his friend and I want what’s best for him if I ignore what he is doing to himself? How can I sit and watch him say he wants REAL LOVE and gets everything but that? How do I deal with a LITTLE BOY THAT HAS A BIG DISEASE?
How do u deal with a lttle boy that has a big disease? Not an easy qustion to answer, not an easy disease to face. To many people have allowed what happened to us in the past to negatively shape who were are not and our ideaology of love. Because we never knew it for what is really is we seek it as it was revealed to us in our childhood or the lack thereof. I two was apart of this trend. I allowed what others said about me as a child to shape my individuality as a adult and warp my thinking of what i was worth and was worthy off. I let every degrading remark strip me of my self worth and applied that to the value of my life. I am just now tearing down walls in my mind that should have come down years ago, and I am embracing mysef for who I am. I know now that love comes from within, before it is ever matched from without, anything external has an internal beginning. He needs an experience with internal love on the road to self discovery, before he meets the road to self destruction. This kind of love does not initially come from initmcy with others but from a true friend who is able to tell you what they see and embrace you afterwards. Life does not end with this disease, but it begins and ends with love.
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