L'HOMME GAY DE CES DAMES?

I DEFY THE GAY STEREOTYPE! I AM 'THE GAY LADY'S MAN' I am open, honest and up front. Over the years of living this life I've met many females, most are clueless and dumb founded by this ‘lifestyle.’ I have come to realize that WOMEN in our society perpetuate the HOMOPHOBIA we mostly see around us. Think about it...MEN are afraid to appear soft or give compliments to another MAN, even though women do it all the time...FUCKED UP I know.

However it's a fact of life and here in the Bahamas the HOMOSEXUALS OR SISSIES as they call us are the worst things any man could be. This is terrifying to MEN in society at large, so I had this crazy notion that if I can show the world one female at a time that we are not what the world makes us out to be, we are in fact important to the survival of the world. They know that if there were a typical gay man (and they know there isn’t any) they would expect that man to be what they can control and put in a certain category of society. Yes, there are those in our midst who are self-destructive, who make headlines, who appears not to have 12 brain cells left. But they are NOT the norm. The norm is the gay couple she encounters while shopping at the supermarket, arguing over what to cook for dinner on Sunday. The norm is the gay male that works full-time, lives with a roommate, and is working towards his C. P. A. 

I am of the opinion that every female should have a gay male friend or roommate in her life. No one else will be able to make you laugh, cry, or wonder; no one else will make you want to hug him one minute and then shake your head at him the next. Who else will spend five minutes deciding which pair of shoes is best from the five he has in his closet? Who else will know what movie to see or what play is hot right now? Who else will know everything going on in the neighborhood? The ladies love gay men because we survive and thrive. We take what society has thrown at us and learn how to adapt. We had to develop a sense of self early on in life because there were no role models, no outside guidance to help shape who we are as men. I don’t know about a lot of gay men, but figured it out for myself, and developed a unique and wonderful existence.

I am secure enough to work 9 to 5 and then come home and throw on a tight pair of jeans and shirt and head to the local GAY BAR. I am able to cross lines quickly and effortlessly because growing up I felt already on the outside of what was normal. I got to, and get to, redefine what it is to be a normal man. I incorporate things masculine and things feminine all in one--caring with strength, compassion with male arrogance, blatant sexuality with the need for emotional connection--all wrapped up in a package that usually far more put together than that of their heterosexual counterparts. Yes, the ladies love me/us and I LOVE being a gay man! If we weren’t gay, they would never been able to LOVE AND MAKE LOVE TO THEIR HUSBANDS, BOYFRIENDS ETC. & THAT WOULD BE A TRAGIC SHAME! I feel that through the power of the bond that we have with these ladies that we can strip down the politics, the pride, the hype and hoopla and remember what it is we love most, why we’re fighting the battles, why we’re trying to win the war. Being gay has been so politicized, so scrutinized, so sterilized at times, that many forget what being gay is all about. I FEEL THAT WE ALL SHOULD TRY TO BECOME A GAY LADY'S MAN.

SEEING Y'R PERFECTION

We are each born into this world with unique gifts. Within us is a glimmer ofthe divine, a light that can potentially make the world a more beautiful place. But in many, that light lies dormant, snuffed out by fears and feelings of inadequacy. To spark it is to attract attention, face the possibility ofrejection or the responsibility of success, and risk being labeled immodest. Yet when we undermine the light by hiding our aptitudes and quashing our dreams, we deny ourselves and others a wealth of experiences. Your abilities are a part of who you are and when you take pride in them, you affirm the love, esteem, and trust with which you view yourself. Moreover, as you express the light within,you grant others permission to do the same, freeing them to explore their own talents. For some, we are taught to hide our light from the world since childhood. Relatives caution us that the professions associated with our aptitudes are unattainable. Our peers may be envious of our skills and thus overly critical of the activities we instinctively enjoy. And authority figures admonish us to be humble and avoid showing off. But there is a vast chasm that separates those who let their light shine and those who seek only to draw attention to themselves.When you dare to share your light with the world, the beauty and perfection of your soul become clearly visible. You become a whole being-the literal embodiment of your vast potential. Whether you are a wonderful dancer, a first-rate cook, quick with numbers, or a natural negotiator, you'll come to understand that you do the world no favors when you hold yourself back. If you have hidden your light for so long that it has shrunk to an ember, make a list of everything you do well, however impractical, silly, or seemingly inconsequential. Then ask yourself how you can positively utilize those abilities in your daily life. The gifts you were born with were not granted toyou arbitrarily. While you may never discover what impact your light has had onothers, you can be certain that when you embrace your talents and share themwith others, you will spread illumination in the world.

CRITIQUE PENSEZ: LAISSEZ-LES MANGER LE GÂTEAU...

In modern cultures today, as far as the business world is concerned I feel that we as Bahamians are as confused as a child in a candy store! Hence being the job chameleon that I am I have noticed an alarming trend within our very own business arena. I take issue with the way businesses are ran. The level of unprofessionalism that goes on is mind blowing and doesn’t foster a positive image for companies and it does nothing to make employees responsible. So the company that I just left certainly is no different from the others that I have worked at in the past. I use to think that it was me; I use to believe that because I wanted an environment that operated on policy and procedure that I was crazy. How dare I want to work in place that places a high importance on staff; how dare I want to work in place that knows that a happy customer is definitely a repeat customer. I find that the structure I seek on the jobs I’ve had wasn’t there and that I had to make a decision sink or swim. So I found it interest that my time at DHL (Bahamas) Limited was no different from the other places I’ve worked and is no different from lack of proper professionalism that was abscent from other places here in the Bahamas. So you can image me, just graduate with AA in Accounting and getting a phone call from the Managing Director of the company that he wanted to interview me for the Chief Financial Controller’s desk. I thought ok, interesting couldn’t hurt to see what this is about. After getting there we had a long conversation, talking about all the things that the company was about and what it can do for me; however it was revealed that I needed to have BA in Accounting to sit behind the desk of CFO. I thought no problem, I can work and show them what I can do and I will be behind that desk in no time. Funny how the best laid plans don’t always work out the way you think it should…After about a month on the job of endless asking about my job description and company manual, I have come to the conclusion that my mind was rape, violated and penetrated with thoughts of a company that couldn’t deliver. I sat and wonder if a company can’t provide it employees with a job description can this company have a vision? Can this company know where it wants to go? Do they have proper systems in place to foster growth for the company and employees? How can this company not realize that has to be a training system and mentoring process designed to build commitment? How do they expect to help employees maintain focus as they build their business? I am that crazy for thinking and believing that this type of company knows how it got to be where it is and knows where it wants to go? These questions made me question this type of management style within the organization. This type of behavior cannot help but be Bahamian-inspired. What other way do we know as a people? Unless Bahamians change their thinking, we will continue to have places like this in our society. It’s sad that in this society blacks are not used to having power; they abuse their employees and do whatever they want with no recourse. At DHL the management team believes that an environment is only as professional as YOU make it. Well I don’t disagree with that notion I can’t help but wonder how management plays a role in this little exercise within the company. Am I crazy for thinking that it should start from the top and work its way down? Am I wrong for thinking that when employees curse out each other in front of clients that management should see this as a serious offense to the company? Shouldn’t these things be addressed? I guess that as an employee that gets lost in the shuffle I can only get what I am being paid for. I can’t expect things that are so simple to come my way, things that should be in place. So again I realize that I am climbing a corporate ladder that is leaning against the wrong wall. Hence this young Bahamian man whose career motto is ‘yes I can, whatever it takes’ has to pack up his bag seek employment elsewhere. Even though I know I am perfectionist to a fault, I know that there are not perfect places and perfection is not what I seek. I simply want a company that can recognize good employees when they have them and try to whatever it takes to them. Don’t tell me that you will support my pursuit of my college education then don’t. Please don’t’ tell me that you hired me despite what others feel about what my SEXUALITY is. Don’t tell me that I let you down because I didn’t give my all when you gave me nothing. I am well aware that I am in a war; it’s me against the system, me going against Bahamians that love the easy road and an easy life…Whoever wins will ultimately determine whether this war will bring about some change, can this war finally wake up Bahamians? Can they finally get up and go to a job because they love it? Can they not see their place of employment as something to do in maintain? Can they seek to live while they are alive?

I AM JUS' WALKING THROUGH

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to over analyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what's there as that's the only way to know. Even if it doesn't seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go. Doors open when the time is right for us to enter a new space, metaphorically speaking, and we can have faith that walking through is the right thing to do. Sometimes we linger in the threshold because we are afraid of leaving our old life for a life we know nothing about. We may have voices inside of our heads that try to hold us back or people in our lives saying discouraging things. These voices, internal and external, are known as threshold spirits, and they express all the fears and doubts that arise at the beginning of a new life. Nevertheless, none of these voices can hold us back, and they will fall silent as soon as we cross the threshold. There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

TRUSTING Y'R GUT...

Gut feelings earn their name from the place in the body where they make themselves known. A pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or avibrant zing when your body approves, can guide you reliably at times when logicfails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut and live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining whatis going on in a situation and how we should react. Our gut resides in the neighborhood of our solar plexus and the third chakrajust above your belly button. When it is functioning well, we can trust its guidance and adjust our actions accordingly. Many of us have a tendency to hold in this area of our bodies. We may take shallow breaths that never reach this vital nexus that is the source of our empowerment. It is in this place that we find the courage to act, to reach out into the world and create change. When ourpower center is out of balance, we are timid and out of sync, wishing we had said something we were only able to phrase later when we were alone; wishing we had acted on an opportunity we didn't see until it was past. In order to utilize your power center, you may want to focus your attention on it more regularly and make time to care for it. You can begin right now by taking a deep breath into your belly. On the exhale, pull your navel in toward your spine so as to empty out completely before taking another deep breath into your belly. When you empty completely, you release stagnant energy and create more space to be filled with fresh, nourishing breath. The more you practice this simple, cleansing exercise, the more clear and communicative your gut feelings will be and the more comfortable you will feel acting on them.

DISPELLING DRAMA

There are scores of people in the world who seem to be magnets for calamity. They live their lives jumping from one difficult situation to the next, surrounded by unstable individuals. Some believe themselves victims of fate and decry a universe they regard as malevolent. Others view their chaotic circumstances as just punishments for some failing within. Yet, in truth, neither group has been fated or consigned to suffer. They are likely unconsciously drawing drama into their lives, attracting catastrophe through their choices, attitudes, and patterns of thought. Drama, however disastrous, can be exciting and stimulating. But the thrill of pandemonium eventually begins to frustrate the soul and drain the energy of all who embrace it. To halt this process, we must understand the root of our drama addiction, be aware of our reactions and be willing to accept that a serene, joyful life need not be aboring one. Many people, so used to living in the dramatic world they create, feel uncomfortable when confronted with the prospect of a lifetime of peace and contentment. The drama in their lives serves multiple purposes. Upset causes excitement, prompting the body to manufacture adrenaline, which produces a pleasurable surge of energy. For those seeking affection in the form of sympathy, drama forms the basis of their identity as a victim. And when drama is familiar, many people believe they can avoid abandonment by continuing to play a key role in the established family dynamic. The addiction to drama is fed by the intensity of the feelings evoked during bouts of conflict, periods of uncertainty, and upheaval. Understanding where the subconscious need for drama stems from is the key to addressing it effectively. Journaling can help you transfer this need from your mind onto a benign piece of paper. After repeated writing sessions, your feelings regarding the mayhem, hurt feelings, and confusion often associated with drama become clear. When you confront your emotional response to drama and the purpose it serves in your life, you can reject it. Each time you consciously choose not to take part in dramatic situations or associate with dramatic people, you create space in your inner being that is filled with a calm and tranquil stillness and becomes an asset in your quest to lead a more centered life.

RECEIVING WITH GRACE...ACCEPTING COMPLIMENTS...

Many of us find it difficult to accept compliments but easy to believe the slightest criticism. Today, right now, let's make a choice to fully accept compliments as we would a gift. Sincere compliments are gifts of praise. They are kudos given for wise choices or accomplishments or perhaps for just letting your light shine. There is no reason not to accept the gift of a kind word, butsome of us argue against them, even giving reasons why they aren't true. If we visualize the energy of a compliment, we would see beautiful, shining, positive energy being sent from the giver. That energy, if accepted graciously, would brighten our personal energy field. Our gratitude then returns to thegiver as warm, fuzzy, glowing energy, completing an even circuit of good feelings. But if we reject a compliment, what could have been a beautiful exchange becomes awkward and uncomfortable, making it a negative experience instead. Misplaced modesty can ruin the joy of sharing this connection with another person. But we can accept a compliment and still be modest by simplysaying "thank you." However, if compliments are rejected due to a lack of self-esteem, then the first step would be to start believing good things about yourself. Try giving yourself compliments in the mirror. Beyond the initial feelings of silliness, you will notice how good it feels and can watch the smile it puts on your face. The next step would be to see how it feels to give compliments to others. Notice how great you feel when you've made anotherperson's face brighten and how differently you feel when the gift you've offeredis rejected. Having experienced all sides, you will be ready to play along fully and willingly. We are our harshest critics. When we accept compliments, we are reminded thatothers see us through different eyes. All living beings crave positive attention, and we all deserve to have positive energy shared with us. Perhaps ifwe happily and gratefully accept compliments, we will give others permission to do so as well.