I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Thursday, March 13, 2014


Dating can be a challenge – especially when it comes to dating other men. Trust is a huge factor in making any relationship work, and once you’ve got it, you know you’ve found the right one. The question is: at the beginning of a relationship, when trust is still being developed, how do you know you’re the only one? Here are five simple signs to let you know whether you’re sitting at the top of his charts or just another unreleased single.

1. He dodges every photo op.

One of the obvious signs that you’re a side piece is you not being “allowed” to take pictures with the guy you think is your man. Perhaps he told you it’s because of his job, maybe he claims to not like taking pictures or – the best – he’ll claim he’s “just a private person.” Ultimately, what it means is, “I don’t want to be seen with you.” That should be enough of a red flag for you to either see the situation for what it is and be content with knowing your role, or close up shop and move on to the next one. There are no Kodak moments for the side piece.

2. Let’s “chill.”

When you’re a side piece, there tends to only be one thing he wants from you. Side pieces don’t get taken out on routine dates, they don’t get to show up at his place unannounced and they certainly don’t see much more than the bedroom and bathroom…IF you’re even invited over. Let’s say you’re delusional and you believe that all the sex is because you both have an extremely high sex drive. That’s cute. Look, you might not want to admit it, but every time he comes over you guys end up having sex. Hell! It might even be some of the hottest, freakiest, leg-shaking, vision-blurring sex you’ve had with any guy, but you try keeping that cute mentality of yours during one of his visits. Refrain from giving up the goods and see how quickly he has something (or someone) else to do all of a sudden. Quality time with a side piece? Nah…

3. Another lonely Christmas.

New Year’s, Thanksgiving and Christmas…if you’re not with him on those days, you’re irrelevant as hell. Assuming you’ve been dating for a while, these are all excellent opportunities for him to show you off to his family. Now, there is a caveat: some may say that if you haven’t met the family, then you’re automatically a side piece, but it’s different in some instances. The “I don’t want you to meet my family” excuse may hold weight depending on whether or not you’re dealing with someone who’s out. If he’s still in the closet in 2013, you definitely may want to reconsider setting higher standards for yourself, but at some point during the 24 hours of said holiday, he should be spending a bulk of his time with you. When you’re alone, you don’t matter. Happy Kwanzaa, Mr. Side Piece.

4. You haven’t met the crew.

Friends are the most telling sign of your value to a relationship. Before you meet his family, you meet his homeboys and homegirls. That is, unless you’d make him look like a cheater. If you haven’t met his friends, it could be because he’s not sure how committed you guys are to each other, but after a max of three months you should’ve at least met the best friend. Think about it…his best friend should know anyone who means anything important to him and, oftentimes, best friends act as a moral compass as well. If you haven’t met the bestie, chances are that someone else has and he doesn’t want to blow his cover. Straight up from the gate up…you’s a side piece.

5. He doesn’t do labels.

Don’t expect to hear, “I love you.” Instead, you may get a “you know how I feel about you…” Not having titles on things makes it all the more easy for him to keep a clear conscience about leading you on. He doesn’t want to be called your “boyfriend” because, frankly, he’s not. To you, he claims it sounds weird or thinks it’ll complicate something that’s fine how it is. Don’t be gullible. Nobody is ever that vague without reason. Clearly, someone else is getting the boo treatment, which would probably make you boo No. 2…a.k.a. the side piece.


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