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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

JUST E-MAIL ME: HELP! MY BOYFRIEND WON'T STOP TALKING TO HIS EX!

He's been dating someone for a year and everything is going great, except his new boyfriend's ex keeps calling and saying how much he misses him. When he finally spoke up and said it bothered her, his boyfriend got upset and now they're not speaking. What can he do about a boyfriend who won't stop talking with his ex?

My boyfriend, of a year is awesome, we have a really good relationship, share loads of interests in common, want the same things out of life and feel we can really make a go of things.
I have a problem with his last ex of nine years. They broke up over 18 months ago. Just a few months ago this ex was messaging saying how much he misses him, then things like he'd had an accident, cut himself etc (he self-harmed when they were together.) It made my boyfriend feel horribly guilty and he had to tell his on more than one occasion that this was not appropriate. Thankfully those messages seem to have stopped but he still hears from him pretty much every weekend asking him to meet up, which he declines mostly.

I don't believe he would ever cheat, or even go back wiht his ex. He's assured me he doesn't even miss him and cares about him only as a friend. He says he feels sorry that his ex still misses him so much after all this time.

I haven't said anything so far as I didn't want to appear jealous or untrusting but today I told him that it does bother me that his ex pesters him so much. Although he agrees it's irritating and says he understands my worrying, as he would if the situation were reversed, he doesn't seem to want to break contact or tell him to back off. We had an argument about it and I don't know if I should have said anything as he says he feels backed into a corner and now has to break off contact. We're not talking and it's upsetting as we've never really argued before and having him angry with me is unbearable.

Although I would be happy if he never spoke to his ex again, I don't want to start telling him who he can and can't see. I don't understand the need to be friends with an ex, maybe a catch up every now and then but I see no need for more than this.
Do I need to apologize for even bringing it up? Or is he being unreasonable and needs to resolve this with his ex? Please help me resolve this with him, I have no idea where to start!
Thank you!

What are your thoughts? 


What advice would you give this person? 

4 comments:

  1. #IMHO If the ex is an ex then there is a reason behind it. You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel. It could be that the ex is attention seeking and needs professional help. If your boyfriend starts spending more time with the ex than you then move on. It seems as if the ex is really wanting your boyfriend back. Proceed with caution and tell your boyfriend to advise the ex to get professional help since he is self harming.

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  2. I agree with Musique. Communicate but be subtle with it. That is treading on thin ice.

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