14 REASONS IT'S HARDER BEING A BOTTOM THAN A TOP

Well I mean first of all someone is shoving a thing inside of u that doesn’t necessarily belong there. So...

1. Well I mean first of all someone is shoving a thing inside of u that doesn’t necessarily belong there. So.

2. But curiously, THERE ARE NO TOPS. Okay maybe there are like 5 tops in the universe. In the gay male sex world, the top to bottom ratio is totally skewed towards bottoms. There are waaaaaaaaaaaay more bottoms than there are tops.

3. You run the risk of your friends singing “THIS BOY IS A BOTTTOOMMMMMM!!!” at you when you go out together. Whatever tho — at least there’s a song about you!

4. Somedays you just don’t FEEL like bottoming, even if you are horny. Bottoming isn’t about just having someone put their piece in u. It’s about really W-A-N-T-I-N-G that piece all up in u. Two different sentiments. If you’re not feeling it, there’s no dice.

5. It’s SO much work, ugh.

6. Santorum.

7. Being ashamed of being a big old bottom. Even though 92% of gay men are bottoms, according to my ethnographic field research, lots of gay men are ashamed of it, as if there’s something less masculine about it. The majority of mainstream gay dudes are all about masculinity, and anything that eclipses that has got to go.

8. And speaking of which, if you are femme or even slightly effeminate or fey, the few tops out there in the gay sexual desert may not be interested in you. “If I wanted to date a girl, I would.” Oh lord.

9. If the top is inexperienced you are in for quite an experience.

10. When you meet a hot guy and you find out he’s a bottom, too, it’s like eyeroll. HOWEVER! If you meet someone really hot and he’s all “I’m a top,” you automatically go: “Oooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

11. Even if you enjoy bottoming, sometimes you get stuck with an everlasting top and you are sort of over it and he is still going at it and you sit through it just so he can get off.

12. He might try to pull some mess and take the condom off and you may not know. A bottom can’t pull the condom off without the top seeing/knowing.

13. People will assume you can’t top even though you have an extremely capable dick. There’s an automatic stigma around bottoming: once a bottom always a bottom. Even if you are sort of versatile sometimes, there are some guys out there who are all, “Yeah right. Do not want.”

14. Every bottom ever has slept with some top who treated his penis like an all conquering sword, stabbing you to orgasm I guess? Tip: can you not!