Of all the misconceptions about love
the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that “falling in love” is love or
at least one of the manifestations of love.
When a person falls in love what he or she certainly
feels is “I love him” or “I love her.” But two problems are immediately
apparent. The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a
sex-linked erotic experience.
Falling in love is not an act of
will. It is not a conscious choice. No matter how open to or eager for it we
may be, the experience may still elude us.
Contrarily, the experience may
capture us at times when we are definitely not seeking it, when it is inconvenient
and undesirable. We are as likely to fall in love with someone with whom we are
obviously ill matched as with someone more suitable.
If falling in love is not love, then
what is it other than a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries?
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