Between
cuddling with their bros, getting off on gay porn, and experimenting with
anal play, it’s time for you hetero guys to just start hooking up with us gay
guys already. And we’re not just saying this cause we wanna hook up with you.
Really, you are not that hot. This is for you, dude.
Even if it’s
just a one time thing.
Scroll down
for five reasons why every straight man should try going gay …
5. It will
satisfy your lifelong curiosity.
Any
self-identifying straight man who says he’s never once thought about what it might be like to bed
another guy is lying. It’s natural to feel curious about things
that are foreign to you.
It’s always a
good idea to outside of our comfort zone. That’s how we learn and grow. So why
not stop fantasizing and actually give it a college try? Remember: If you don’t like it,
you’ll never have to do it again.
4. Gay men make
excellent lovers.
You know those
filthy things you see in porn that kinda turn you on but that you would
never actually ask your girlfriend to try because she’d probably
think you’re a total pervert? Well, we’ll do it! All you have to do is ask.
(Politely, of course. Well, demanding it can work too!)
When it comes
to sexual inhibitions, many gay men, well, lack them. That’s why we invented
things like Folsom Street Fair and Up Your Alley. That’s also why people like Rick Santorum and Ken Cuccinelli are so afraid. We’ll boldly go
where your girlfriends and wives have never gone before. And it’ll make you
feel so good.
3. The humbling
experience of being penetrated.
As straight
men, you’re used to being the ones doing the penetrating. But haven’t you ever
wondered what it might feel like to be on the receiving end? Hint: It’s pretty
f-ing amazing. Not only that it’s an extremely humbling experience, and in
a good way. Watch your arrogance leave your body as fast as your clothing, to
be replaced by the knowledge that you took it like a man.
True, the first
time can be a bit shocking, and you’ll need need to prepare with some
stretching and cleaning. (A new jock strap never hurts either.) But as
long as you remember to breathe, you’ll be fine. We promise. And when
it’s over, not only will you have experienced the most mind-blowing,
earth-shattering orgasm of your life, but you’ll walk away with a greater
understanding of what sex feels like for your female counterparts.
(P.S.
Here are a few tips on how to lose you anal virginity with aplomb.)
2. It will make
a gay man sooooo happy!
There are some
guys out there who have dedicated much of their social lives to to seducing straight men, often with only sporadic
success (of course that’s before we published this helpful little article).
Many have tried, failed, and then lied about it. (We’re talking about you,
gay dude who swears that he hooked up with his college roommate after a
party one time and you, gay porn stars, who claim to have been seduced by Tom
Cruise in an Italian Villa. Yes, we know he’s shorter in real life than he
appears on screen. You can Google that.)
By giving into
your own curiosities, you’re also giving some gay man out there bragging
rights for a lifetime. For the remainder of his years, he will tell
his buddies about the time he got naked with a hetero guy. You could
be that hetero guy.
1. You might
like it.
Remember when
you were a kid and you said you hated brussels sprouts, even though you had
never really tried them, then when you were adult you realized that, actually,
brussels sprouts are pretty delicious, especially when tossed with olive oil
and roasted?
The same could
very well apply to gay sex. You may take a dip in the man pond and
realize it’s actually a ton of fun. And, no, just because you tried
it once and kinda liked it doesn’t make you gay.
You’re more than welcome to go
back to your straight “lifestyle” in the morning.
We won’t judge
you for it.
Luv black guys! So it interracial!
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