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Thursday, May 9, 2013

COMMUNICATION KEEPS US CENTERED


In a long-term relationship it is often necessary to get back to basics and come back to center with each other. For Noel and me we know that our relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. We know that early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union. Just as a seedling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again, to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy; yet, if our relationship is to last, turning towards one another with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities [cough Noel] we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, he knows that our needs won’t tend to themselves and we both still love each other. And lord knows that I have MANY of the best intentions when I think about how nice it would be to do this or that, but the current economic climate won’t allow for my fantasies @ this point.
I've found that one of the best ways to nourish our relationship is through communication. When I feel that a distance has grown between us, I find that this is able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. I do my best to avoid blame and regret and focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that we want to grow closer together. I find that sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between us has the effect of bringing our relationship into balance. Writing this entry reminds me of the compassion we have for each other and that were in the same boat together trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep our relationship healthy and thriving. 

12 comments:

  1. Bingo! We have a bingo winner here!

    I also enjoy immense pleasure in expanding communication well beyond words. Deeds speak as loud (or louder sometimes) as words.

    Example: a silly little flower placed in the toothbrush holder next to my partner's tooth brush 'speaks' volumes - at least to me ;)

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  2. K- I think this is one of the finest posts of yours that I have read to date. Me and mine are pretty much in a similar boat, bailing like crazy and we do tend to forget why we have been devoted companions since the day we met. For me and very simply, that day was the happiest day of my life because I met the man of my dreams. He is a guy of few words, but I know he feels the same way I do. Yes, the little things he does for me and the little comments he makes do speak volumes if I am tuned in enough to hear them.

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    1. I know what you mean when you he is a man of few words, but hey if it works it works right?

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  3. Great post! So very true. I had a wonderful relationship for 23 years. We really loved each other deep-down. but there quarrels and so one. However we always made up. Yes! It the little things that really say so much - a small gift - go out for a coffee for no special reason. I have great memories.

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    1. a relationship without quarrels IMO isn't flushing itself out and I hope that I get to 23 years or more :)

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  4. Communication and patience! Agree to disagree! One day at a time and remember those lonely cold nights alone in bed! Great post, my blogging brother! Much love!

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    1. Yeah I always tell Noel I might agree with your position but I do support you in every way.

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  5. Communication is important in every relationship, but particularly between partners. C is not a huge talker, but he communicates in other ways, and I have had to teach myself to listen. LMAO, in contrast he probably wishes I would shut up more often:) But sometimes I think the hardest things to say are the most important. Very few problems solve themselves by ignoring the issue.

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    1. Yeah I know what you mean Noel says VERY little and I have to ask a bunch of questions to find out what is going on with him @ times.

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  6. Yes, over the last two years, I've learned that communication is an important part of any relationship.

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