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I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.

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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

JUS' EMAIL ME: A HOOK UP BUT NO HELLO?

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS E-MAIL?

Before I even get into this, let me say that I completely understand the supposed anonymity of internet hookups. It's supposed to be simple: you put a profile up, hopefully with pictures; a lists of wants, likes, dislikes, preferences and demands AND hopefully someone meets your requirements. You and he exchange info, negotiate on a meeting place, what will happen once you meet and that's it.
So, he comes over and depending on how forward you or he is, there is some obligatory small talk, a quick exchange of pleasantries, perhaps you indulge in 420 or something harder, and THEN the deed goes down.

Now it's generally understood that after the sex, good/bad/off the chain/indifferent, that etiquette calls for the visitor to quickly clean up and leave - and in many cases, never be seen or heard from again. My question is: why? Assuming that the sex was at least OK or even good, what is the harm in further contact or acknowledgement, even if it isn't on a sexual tip? Case in point, I had a hookup with a guy and the sex was pretty good. I mean, I didn't bust the nut of my life, but it was nice. We "chilled" a bit before we did anything, and even a little bit after the fact. Two weeks later I find out he goes to the same gym I do. I see him there, give him the regulatory head flip for "wassup" and he completely ignores me.

So in my mind I'm thinking: what gives? It's not like I'm blowing up his spot, or being too obvious. And even if he hated the sex between us, that still wouldn't be cause for being rude and completely ignoring someone. So I give him the benefit of the doubt: maybe he didn't see me; maybe he doesn't remember me; maybe no one knows he gay.

Some time goes by, about 2 or 3 months, and we start to see each other regularly at the gym. By this point, I've just learned to avert my each contact where's he's concerned. But on this day, while both of us are sitting in the sauna after a workout, he decides to speak. He strikes up some vague and bizarre conversation about how our neighborhood is changing. I'm listening to bits and pieces and barely responding.

Midway through his rant, I stop him and ask: why are you talking to me now? He says, "What do you mean?". I say, "All this time, you've seen me several times and haven't said a word. Not even a 'wassup' and NOW all of a sudden you wanna politic? Wassup with that?” He chuckles at this but I let him know I'm serious. He apologizes and says that he didn't know proper protocol - that in his day, brothas spoke to each other regardless their meeting circumstances, but that today he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to seeing he had a one stand with.

I tell him that there are no rules my brother. Do what feels right and natural. There's nothing wrong with saying hello to someone you freaked with - even if that's all it was. Quite frankly, I wish our community got back to that concept of being there for each other; looking out for each other; stop judging each other for how we choose to get down; to being a "community" again.

CAN YOU SYMPATHIZE WITH HIS EXPERIENCE?

10 comments:

  1. It's called guilt, shame, when it comes with the closet. When it's outside that parameter, it's called rudeness. Regardless of what the current thinking is, it's not cool and it's not something I even want to be around. If that's the type of man he really is, then keep on walking. He's incapable of any type of relationship, platonic or romantic.

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    1. I agree, I would simply accept his behavior for what it is.

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  2. I agree with Roger. Let sleeping dogs lie. Save your energy for those who deserve your respect when they give them respect.

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  3. I had a wonderful evening with a guy in a gay sauna! Next morning the Head Master (I was a teacher then) introduced me to Mr & Mrs X on the playground. Mr X had been my partner the previous night! We had act as thought we had never met before!!!!

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  4. I have been on the other side, and reading this I realize to my horror that maybe I came off as this guy. I was at work, this guy comes in who I hooked up with maybe a year back. He gives me this smile, I kind of acknowledgement that I remembered him. Follow that up with him approaching the counter... And my growing horror that I can remember the curve of his dick... Yet not his first name. And I had to sign him in. I seriously was going to have to ask him his name... After acknowledging I remember us fucking.... I beat it out of there and let my boss take care if it. Explaining afterwards to my boss... Tres awkward.

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    Replies
    1. the other side huh? LOVE your stories :)

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  5. He had me at 'hello' four years ago next month and for the rest of my life.

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