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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

JUST E-MAIL ME: HE CHEATED, CAN I TRUST HIM?

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE ON THIS E-MAIL:

Both my boyfriend and myself are 25 and we've been in a monogamous relationship for almost two years. Three months ago, I found out that he cheated on me with some random guy @ a club. They slept together, but it was only that one time (so he says). I can’t seem to get past it. We are still together, but I just don’t trust him. He did come clean about it. Should I forgive him? Moreover, how do I forgive him?

24 comments:

  1. Do not trust people who compromise my health and welfare. I am aware of this incident bu how many others have occurred that is unknown to me. Trust I value most in a relationship and once compromised by acts of indiscretions the party is over. NEXT. Did someone say Next?

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    1. yeah I feel you on that, I would be saying NEXT!

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  2. My friend (for 23 years) and I had an open relationship. We agreed on that. He knew that I had sex (safe sex)with other men because, as he was ten years older than me, we did not have a lot of sex together. But our love for each other was deep and real always. I will never love another person as I loved him. No! Never! His death was the greatest sadness that I have ever know. Tears still come to my eyes as I think of him, as they are doing not. True love is much more important than the sex.

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    1. TRUE LOVE SURE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX, but what happens when two persons don't have an open relationship?

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    2. They must be open with each other, discuss what has happened, but don't blame anyone. Then discuss their future. If they can't come to any agreement, then they should part, without rancour.

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  3. Depends in the couple. maybe the trust can be earned back or not at all. that's for each couple to decide.

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    1. yeah it is and I suspect he is asking because he is torn and don't know which direction he should take.

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  4. The real problem as I see it.. is that everyone of us men love to have sex often. There are very few who can sustain a monogamous relationship for a long period of time. The older Gay couples that I know that have been together for 10 years or me all have had open relationships.
    My advice to your reader... If you LOVE him, just get over it!

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    1. well I understand his feeling of betrayal, my relationship is monogamous and I would be hurt if he sleeps with someone else considering we talk about open relationships often and we both decided to stick with each other.

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    2. That's just not something to get over. That would take a certain amount of time for the hurt person to process, yet alone consider continuing a relationship with that person. Any time i read stories of cheating or open relationships, I get depressed because my view of a loving relationship only involves two people; however, everyone is different.

      I'd say, you may need to take time to yourself to go through the emotions. Cry if you need to. Get upset if you have to. But, know that you will have to face the bare fact of what happened. Try not to do anything out of spite because your heart won't be in it. Leave him be for a while (or as best as you can).

      If you're able to face him again, you'll have to have a long talk to get all the feelings out for the both of you. From there, it will be the best time to determine if 1) you can continue a relationship 2) he will have to work his damnedest to win your trust back before even considering being with him 3) sever the relationship on some type of positive note, so that you can get closure, and move on.

      Once you've reached a place where you can finally forgive, THEN, you can get over it.

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    3. is this experience talking here sir?

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    4. I reckon so, but not in the realm of cheating, even though lack communication and other things did play a factor in some of the hurt. Plus the way I felt about past things that happened before I even came into the picture. I'm learning still

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    5. we all are still learning so you are not alone here :-)

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  5. I think you folks need to real and take responsibility for your actions. I am not going to invest time and energy in anyone who is not faithful and trustworthy. Do not you guys not know of the risk of STD associated with unfaithful partners. If you love them get over it--- had no idea that it was that simple. You have definitely lost your sense of rational reasoning or gone stone mad. It is not about sex it is about trust and self-respect.

    I have standard for myself and the people I let in my life. What I would do to someone I surely would accept it from anyone. The reason we are in a relationship is because I trust, respect and love you. Trust is my hallmark of a true relationship. You compromise my trust in you especiallyhaving an affairs unknown to me you are history as cheating behavior is confirm. Not forgivable. NEXT!

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    1. I agree with your point, but we must remember that others don't see things the way you do. So the thing in life is you MUST find persons that do.

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  6. I am happy that I respect myself and others. I take full responsibility for my behavior of every kind. I do not make excuses for my behavior but take responsibility and implement corrective action to minimize the effects of my poor or inappropriate behavior. I not the most forgiving person particularly when you breach my respect. I do share well and have a closed door to openned door relationships.

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  7. I always asked myself how do some people do it...how do people stay with a person who stepped out on them and cheated. They love them that much. But just cause you love someone does not mean they DESERVE that love.

    I mean I couldn't do it. Everytime I kiss him, I would think about him kissing another. I would imagine that would always be in the back in my mind. Love ain't enough to stay if the trust is gone.

    But only HE can tell himself rather to leave him or not. Nobody can tell you "how to forgive" Another is though...he FOUND it, so not only he cheated but he clearly wasn't plan on telling him.

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    1. I couldn't stay with someone that cheated on me.

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    2. you would survive I would make sure of it

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    3. And this is why you get all the hugs in the world. So here:

      ((((HUG))))

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