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Thursday, June 13, 2013


In The Atlantic article “The Gay Guide to Wedded Bliss,” writer Liza Mundy points to a growing swath of research that indicates that gay and lesbian married couples are more happy than their heterosexual counterparts, with some even going so far as to suggest that gays and lesbians are “making marriage sexy again.”  Through various studies, Mundy is able to pinpoint some very interesting facts about how gays and lesbians are approaching marriage.

Among some of the more intriguing findings are:
·         Gays and lesbians divide familial responsibilities more equally because of a lack of pre-existing gender norms and expectations about who does what.
·         Lesbians are almost twice as likely to get divorced than gay men.
·         Some countries in which same-sex unions have been legal for 10 years or more have seen a rise in marriage rates overall.
·        (Surprise, surprise) Straight women and lesbians are more monogamous than gay men. 14% of straight women and roughly 8% of partnered lesbians reported sex outside of their relationship, as opposed to 15% of straight husbands and  roughly 60% of gay men in partnerships and civil unions.

Though gays and lesbians are taking their unions seriously, not all is perfect in their marriages.  The studies found that about one third of gay male couples with children had one partner who is a “stay at home dad,” and sometimes these arrangements were fraught with feelings of a loss of status and prestige by the stay at home partner.  Also, in both gay and lesbian couples, the partner who makes the most money tended to take the lead on the major financial decisions of the family, which also led to tension in the marriage.

So the question is, can gays and lesbians help save marriage? By bucking outdated gender norms, becoming de facto activists just by entering into marriages with our partners, and re-writing the rules of those marriages once we put a ring on it, can we help stem the tide of divorce rates in America and prove to straights (and ourselves) that we can be in happy, loving relationships?

Or, are we just involved in a hopeless and ultimately futile push to emulate straight culture while roughly 60% of the gay male couples surveyed were open about getting sex outside of the relationship.  Are we ready to make the real commitment, or are we just caught up in marriage fever?



  1. Having sex outside the marriage is not always cheating. Most long term gay couples I know have open relationships or "arrangements". Hells, this one guy and his partner had a kilometer range. More than 100 away and they can play. I know straight couples who are open too, but seems more prevalent in gay relationships. Plus, you can share;)

    1. yeah I know of couples that 'play' and their motto is the couple that plays together stays together, but I am not there yet.

  2. Yea I'mma need to know how SPECIFIC this "research" was, because yes just because it was reported that it was sex outside the relationship doesn't necessarily cheating. It could be an open relationship. But ALL 60% of these relationships aren't open, I am sure of it...some cheating IS going on.

    I say a sexuality doesn't make a cheater, the person makes a cheater. Anybody could cheat, so it happens in gay relationships as well, but to make the argument that gays shouldn't marry because they only care about sex is crazy. Straight women cheat, straight men cheat yet they marry. So rather married gays can be monogamous is not the point.

    Rather its "marriage fever" or not, we all should still have that RIGHT. If straight people can get married and do all the wrong things WHILE married then hell we should too lol

    1. so you ready for marriage sir?

    2. I am SOOO ready. The boo and I still going strong!



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