In “Who Are You, Really?” the sixth season premiere of True Blood, we get
one semi-major death, a coupla big entrances (ack! — it’s The Hitcher!), a
werewolf ménage à trois and the perfect new nickname for the post-Lilith merger
Bill: Billith. (Well done on that one, Pam. As usual. A nod to trubies.) So what do you say?
Shall we dive in?
THE GREAT ESCAPE | Picking up right where
Season 5 left off, Sookie, Eric, Jessica, Pam, Tara, Nora and Jason beat a
hasty retreat just as Billith blows Authority HQ to smithereens and flies off
like — as Jason so eloquently puts it — a “nekkid evil Superman.” As soon as
our heroes are safe, Nora glamors Jason into revealing what he knows about
Warlow. This so ticks him off that he has a full-on redneck fit, pulls a gun on
Eric’s “sister” (oh, do it already! Please!), disowns his own sister
and decides to hitchhike home. But who would pick up a hitchhiker covered in
gore in the middle of the night? Ack — it’s The Hitcher! Rutger Hauer, aka
Warlow, that’s who!
POLITICS AS USUAL | As good ol’ boy Governor
Burrell gives a speech authorizing the forcible closing of all fanger-run
businesses, he’s pelted with blood by a vampire-rights activist. (His daughter,
Willa, I presume?) As soon as he’s done, he runs straight to the makers of Tru
Blood about secretly jump-starting their operation in order to fund his
reelection campaign. (Is it just me, or is Arliss Howard sorta going for a Lex
Luthor-meets-Principal Snyder from Buffy vibe?)
BLOOD FEUD | Immediately annoyed by Nora (join
the club), Pam asks Eric what most viewers spent the last season wanting to:
“Who the [bleep] is Mary Poppins, and can I kill her?” In response, he doesn’t
just defend the Brit, he’s nasty to his progeny, who is then comforted by her progeny,
Tara… to whom she is, in turn, nasty. “You can’t replace him,” Pam hisses. But
Tara’s so eager to try that, when the government shows up at Fangtasia to shut
the place down, she takes a bullet (a laser? Something new?) for her maker.
DOGGONE | Before Luna dies from her season-ending stint in Steve
Newlin drag, she makes Sam promise to take care of Emma. (Luckily, the first
person the duo runs into after the little girl is orphaned is Lafayette, who
not only makes her a snack but promises to “do something with [her] hair,
too.”) Meanwhile, Alcide munches on the late JD so as to officially assume the
mantle of packmaster. (So many hoops to jump through!) Moments later, Rikki
catches the dawg in the buff (when isn’t he?), making out with a vixen named
Danielle. Rather than chew him out, she initiates a threesome — a curious way
to prove she’s his “No. 1 bitch,” but he hardly objects.
FATHER’S DAZE | Though Andy wants to slouch away
from his responsibilities as the babydaddy of four half-fairy newborns, Arlene
reminds him that “when you stick Mr. Happy inside somebody’s hoo-ha without a
raincoat,” that’s the kinda [bleep] that happens. By the following morning,
he’s no longer the father of four newborns, anyway — they magically seem to be…
ack! It’s The Hitcher! (No, not this time.) They magically seem to be about 4
years old!
STAKEOUT | After Billith nearly kills Jessica by aggressively
summoning her to him (cue the bloody puke and writhing), Sookie stakes him
while he’s fighting Eric. But, like the honey badger, Billith don’t care; he’s
able to remove the stake more easily than I’ve ever been able to remove a
splinter. Following this altercation, Jessica — never the sharpest fang in the
mouth — elects to stay with her maker (who describes himself as “Bill Compton…
and something more”), and Eric returns to Sookie the ownership of her home.
(Her first order of business after that sweet gesture: rescind his invitation
to said home! Gran would be ashamed!)
Okay, your turn. What did you think of the
season premiere? How would you rate its director, Stephen Moyer? WTH
did it mean when all those bloody Liliths leapt into Bill at the end of the
episode?
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