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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

TEAR UP THE MESSAGE & KILL THE MESSENGER {NOT} PART I

There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships with lovers, families and friends, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in relationships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who don’t care about how the things they are doing are effecting you. I am of the opinion that we can do SO much more in this world when we are surrounded by people that aren’t afraid to face realities in life.

This entry has been with me for months and I didn’t want to share this in this place while I was in an angry place because things said out of anger and misunderstanding create even bigger problems. You see a few months ago a friend came to me (let’s call him Owen) with news about mutual friend (let’s call him Ron) of ours relationship. He invited us to celebrate his b-day with a few other friends of his; everyone seem to be getting on well but I did notice that Ron’s boyfriend was VERY silent and not really engaging in the conversations going on around him and I thought that was the case because he didn’t know anyone there, but I was wrong DEAD wrong.

A week after the dinner Owen came to me and said he has something to tell me about one of his friends that said he was ‘dating’ someone @ the table and didn’t know he was in a relationship. My heart sank to my feet because I thought this was about Noel because he came in such sad and sorrowful way, but I soon found out it wasn’t, it was the one that was all silent @ dinner. Now I couldn’t believe it, but thinking about to it now it all make sense. Owen begged me not to tell Ron, but he knows me better than that, he knows that I believe in honesty and in the past Ron did something similar for me when he found out a ‘friend’ of his slept with my then boyfriend, so how could I not tell him? After all talking things over with Owen, Noel and another friend they convince me to keep silent and I went along with it because I know that we gay men can be evil and vicious @ times. Besides we had no proof and Owen’s friend was waffling back n forth only admitting to just talking to him and I wasn’t about to destroy a relationship with someone that can’t seem to decide if it was true or not. 

I did however talked to Ron about his relationship and told him how NO one will ever be happy for his relationship more than he and his boyfriend. I said to him that not everyone that smiles with him and his boyfriend really share in their joy and I asked him not to ask why I said that to him and he said okay. So imagine the conflict I felt a month later Owen came to me and and said his friend admitted that they only fooled around with Ron's boyfriend.  So me being well me, I decided that I should tell Ron, but I didn’t know how. I tried many times and the words just didn’t come out until two weeks later they somehow came out and I told him about what was said about his boyfriend and he just sat there all silent like he was about to cry and I just apologized for having to tell him this.



Sorry I didn’t intend for this to be a LONG entry so Part II is coming tomorrow because this where things get interesting for the messenger. 

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