Speaking of “no drama,” Khloe Kardashian was the guest judge, and
what is there to say about her anymore?…except she did discuss camel toes, and
she explained how she has the biggest camel toe on Earth because her vagina is
enormous. Delightful. Thanks for that mental image.
Bianca Del Rio
BDR is a character queen who describes herself as an “insult comic
in a dress,” although that description is not entirely clear. She says it like
“insult comic in a dress” isn’t already a thing. What about Lisa Lampanelli,
Joan Rivers?…never mind.
Bianca tried to fire off some one-liners, but she did not say a
single funny thing for the first 45 minutes of the show.
Wah-wah-wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
However, on the runway she looked great.
Her theme: Luau. Her look: bright and curvy, very similar to
BenDeLaCreme from last week, and like DeLa’s look, Bianca was the winner this
week.
She might be guilty of overkill with all the makeup and eyelashes
and such, but behind the distracting insult-jokes and the gallons of mascara,
Bianca is obviously a talented performer and a savvy competitor. And seriously,
she really does look great.
Plus, in Untucked she dropped her attempts at her jokes, and she
was actually a million times more charming and interesting.
OUTLOOK: Bianca faces the same test that the judges posed for
Sharon Needles and her weird contact lenses: if she can drop her “trademark”
and lay off the makeup for just one week, she’ll show her range and have a shot
at the Final 3. Sharon finally did it. Can Bianca? You can cut the suspense with a knife! So
exciting.
Trinity K. Bonet
TKB’s picked Princess Party for herself, but instead of making
something poofy and frilly, she said she wanted to make a look that was part
Star Wars Princess Leia, and part Princess Kate. Hmm. Interesting take on the
theme.
There is no Princess Kate in this, other than the tiara, but no
matter. She’s off to a great start. She looks smashing here, and she did win
that mini-challenge. However, she said the “K” in the middle of her name stands
for Kardashian. And with that, she ruined everything.
OUTLOOK: No drag queen who names herself after a Kardashian —
without any irony — is savvy enough to win this. Next!
Joslyn Fox
Joslyn Fox’s theme was quinceañera, the coming-of-age celebration
for young Latinas, and her box was filled with piles of colored stuff. So she
used all of it.
Joslyn is pretty, but she isn’t memorable yet. She’s not
particularly funny, or odd, or bitchy or anything. Or maybe she wasn’t edited
into the show much? No, she was. Uh oh. That doesn’t bode well for her.
As for her look, the judges didn’t like it and said it was too
busy, but it’s fine. Just…fine, okay, whatever. Granted, she looks like a
cocktail server at the Rio casino in Las Vegas, but she’s a drag queen.
Let her use 20 colors if she wants to use 20 colors.
OUTLOOK: She is pretty, but so is Gia Gunn, and Gia Gunn is ditzier
and funnier. Joslyn will be gone before the halfway mark of this season’s run.
Milk
Milk is one of those “performance artist” types, who does stuff
just for the sake of getting a reaction. Perhaps the reaction is nausea, but
it’s still a reaction. This is her look when she first walked into the
workroom.
Making a statement with your art is great if you have something to
say, but…
…what is the message in all of this? There really isn’t any. There
is a difference between “surprise” and “shock.” Milk is not surprising.
Milk’s theme was Toga Party, so she got miles of white fabric, and
as a whole the look isn’t bad. But then she jacked it up with that stupid
beard, using shock value instead of actual creativity, so if you don’t like it
she can say “You just don’t understand my art!” as if it’s our fault we think
she looks awful. Yes we do understand it. We understand that we don’t like it.
Courtney Act, standing there in her bikini, is thrilled that her
competition is a drag queen who looks like this. It only makes Courtney look
better. But we’ll get to her later.
Milk isn’t the first drag queen to sport a beard. But bearded drag
queens are so boring. The whole point of drag is to lose the beard! It would be
no different than if Milk walked onto the stage sporting a prosthetic penis.
Why not bring in some drag kings who use padded bras to make their breasts look
bigger?
I’ll let it go. Although anyone who questions the power of drag
that is androgynous and strange, please look back at the genius of Raja.
Milk < Raja.
Milk < Raja.
The last time I saw a beard like that on a drag queen, I was
backstage with Lady Bunny as she got ready for her show, who has had so many
facelifts her chin was covered with…oh wait, I don’t want to give Bianca any
material. But see how easy it is?
OUTLOOK: Oh please. NEXT!
Magnolia Crawford
Magnolia got the Hoedown Party box, which included a lot of denim
and cow-print fabric, but none of it was good enough and she said she didn’t
like her box and she complained incessantly and she had a nasty attitude.
All that negative energy manifested on the runway.
Look at this mess. She’s
dead inside.
She tried to make excuses for herself, saying she didn’t like her
box—apparently that was the theme of the day, since Khloe Kardashian doesn’t
seem to like her own box, either (ba-dum CHING!) — and when when the judges
said her dress was alright but a little boring, hardly a criticism, she had Bad
Idea Of The Year and she started to argue.
Her body physically reacts. Her brain processes the experience the
same way as if she was smelling Khloe Kardashian’s king size panty liner. Snap!
There’s another good one. Bianca could learn a thing or two about jokes here.
Anyway—So to try to rescue her disastrous spiral down the Drag Race
toilet, Magnolia made lots of excuses, saying she wasn’t there to win and she
just wanted the publicity from being on the show, but really she was freaked
out when she saw the competition and she gave up. So she covered it by
pretending she didn’t really want to be there. Bad idea. Rule #1 for reality
TV: never complain about being on the show. The editors will shred you.
It’s not worth getting into, because…
OUTLOOK: …RuPaul understood the viewing public wouldn’t like the
way she looks on TV, so she was kicked off the show this week. #girlbye
Courtney Act
Ahh, this is better. We’re back on track with good contestants
again. Courtney Act is a big deal in Australia, as she was a finalist on
Australian Idol, and like any self-respecting drag queen, she reminded us of
this bit of info repeatedly, thank you for that Courtney. It’s like Willam is
back, rattling off her resume at every turn. Too bad Kelly Mantle was kicked
off last week, or she would’ve gone crazy. (If you don’t understand that
reference, you didn’t read last week’s post!)
Courtney’s theme was Republican Party, but she tossed everything
aside and just wore a swimsuit as an excuse to show off her skinny little body.
Sorry for the blurry photo. Courtney is an itty bitty thing and she moves fast.
She also proved her smizing skills.
Actually Willam would have just worn a bikini too. They really do
have a lot in common. Willam and Courtney are both sexy blondes. Willam and
Courtney are both singers. I wonder if Courtney is an insatiable bottom? Damn
it, there I go again! Don’t let Bianca read this!
OUTLOOK: So far her look is very traditional female impersonation,
and that’s lovely but also very limiting. She needs to show some creativity
beyond the lucky fact that she can put on a wig and look like a girl. Hopefully
she’ll glam it up at some point, or she’ll become monotonous.
Darienne Lake
Darienne Lake was given St Patrick’s Day Party, so she modeled some
green fabric into a garment from the Lane Bryant Disco Revival collection.
This was awful.
Of course she lip synced for her life in the Bottom 2.
But don’t you just want to give her a big hug?
Darienne is funny, smart, magnetic, she knows how to speak in sound
bytes to make it easy for editors to use her in a TV show, and she has a
twinkle in her eye that hints she knows how to have fun. She seems like the
kind of girl you want to be friends with.
OUTLOOK: This first Challenge wasn’t a good representation of her
ability. After a few seasons with avant garde drag winners (Raja, Sharon
Needles, Jinkx Monsoon), RuPaul has interest in honoring a true pageant-type
performer. I’m calling her as part of the Final 3.
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