I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, March 5, 2014


The Drag Race premiere continues! The other seven contestants entered the show, and the mini-challenge was a Mike Ruiz photo shoot. This time the queens had pillow fights with the Pit Crew guys— —and Trinity K. Bonet won—so she assigned boxes of props to use for the Main Stage Challenge, which was to create runway looks based on different party themes (toga, luau, St. Patrick’s Day, etc.). Trinity handed them out randomly, so there wasn’t any drama.

Speaking of “no drama,” Khloe Kardashian was the guest judge, and what is there to say about her anymore?…except she did discuss camel toes, and she explained how she has the biggest camel toe on Earth because her vagina is enormous. Delightful. Thanks for that mental image.

Let’s change the subject and get to the runway.

Bianca Del Rio
BDR is a character queen who describes herself as an “insult comic in a dress,” although that description is not entirely clear. She says it like “insult comic in a dress” isn’t already a thing. What about Lisa Lampanelli, Joan Rivers?…never mind.
Bianca tried to fire off some one-liners, but she did not say a single funny thing for the first 45 minutes of the show. Wah-wah-wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
However, on the runway she looked great.

Her theme: Luau. Her look: bright and curvy, very similar to BenDeLaCreme from last week, and like DeLa’s look, Bianca was the winner this week.

She might be guilty of overkill with all the makeup and eyelashes and such, but behind the distracting insult-jokes and the gallons of mascara, Bianca is obviously a talented performer and a savvy competitor. And seriously, she really does look great.
Plus, in Untucked she dropped her attempts at her jokes, and she was actually a million times more charming and interesting.

OUTLOOK: Bianca faces the same test that the judges posed for Sharon Needles and her weird contact lenses: if she can drop her “trademark” and lay off the makeup for just one week, she’ll show her range and have a shot at the Final 3. Sharon finally did it. Can Bianca?  You can cut the suspense with a knife! So exciting.

Trinity K. Bonet
TKB’s picked Princess Party for herself, but instead of making something poofy and frilly, she said she wanted to make a look that was part Star Wars Princess Leia, and part Princess Kate. Hmm. Interesting take on the theme.

There is no Princess Kate in this, other than the tiara, but no matter. She’s off to a great start. She looks smashing here, and she did win that mini-challenge. However, she said the “K” in the middle of her name stands for Kardashian. And with that, she ruined everything.

OUTLOOK: No drag queen who names herself after a Kardashian — without any irony — is savvy enough to win this. Next!

Joslyn Fox
Joslyn Fox’s theme was quinceaƱera, the coming-of-age celebration for young Latinas, and her box was filled with piles of colored stuff. So she used all of it.

Joslyn is pretty, but she isn’t memorable yet. She’s not particularly funny, or odd, or bitchy or anything. Or maybe she wasn’t edited into the show much? No, she was. Uh oh. That doesn’t bode well for her.
As for her look, the judges didn’t like it and said it was too busy, but it’s fine. Just…fine, okay, whatever. Granted, she looks like a cocktail server at the Rio casino in Las Vegas, but she’s a drag queen.

Let her use 20 colors if she wants to use 20 colors.

OUTLOOK: She is pretty, but so is Gia Gunn, and Gia Gunn is ditzier and funnier. Joslyn will be gone before the halfway mark of this season’s run.

Milk is one of those “performance artist” types, who does stuff just for the sake of getting a reaction. Perhaps the reaction is nausea, but it’s still a reaction. This is her look when she first walked into the workroom.

Making a statement with your art is great if you have something to say, but…

…what is the message in all of this? There really isn’t any. There is a difference between “surprise” and “shock.” Milk is not surprising.
Milk’s theme was Toga Party, so she got miles of white fabric, and as a whole the look isn’t bad. But then she jacked it up with that stupid beard, using shock value instead of actual creativity, so if you don’t like it she can say “You just don’t understand my art!” as if it’s our fault we think she looks awful. Yes we do understand it. We understand that we don’t like it.

Courtney Act, standing there in her bikini, is thrilled that her competition is a drag queen who looks like this. It only makes Courtney look better. But we’ll get to her later.
Milk isn’t the first drag queen to sport a beard. But bearded drag queens are so boring. The whole point of drag is to lose the beard! It would be no different than if Milk walked onto the stage sporting a prosthetic penis. Why not bring in some drag kings who use padded bras to make their breasts look bigger?
I’ll let it go. Although anyone who questions the power of drag that is androgynous and strange, please look back at the genius of Raja. 

Milk < Raja.
The last time I saw a beard like that on a drag queen, I was backstage with Lady Bunny as she got ready for her show, who has had so many facelifts her chin was covered with…oh wait, I don’t want to give Bianca any material. But see how easy it is?

OUTLOOK: Oh please. NEXT!

Magnolia Crawford
Magnolia got the Hoedown Party box, which included a lot of denim and cow-print fabric, but none of it was good enough and she said she didn’t like her box and she complained incessantly and she had a nasty attitude.

All that negative energy manifested on the runway.

 Look at this mess. She’s dead inside.

She tried to make excuses for herself, saying she didn’t like her box—apparently that was the theme of the day, since Khloe Kardashian doesn’t seem to like her own box, either (ba-dum CHING!) — and when when the judges said her dress was alright but a little boring, hardly a criticism, she had Bad Idea Of The Year and she started to argue.

This is what happens to RuPaul when someone argues with her.

Her body physically reacts. Her brain processes the experience the same way as if she was smelling Khloe Kardashian’s king size panty liner. Snap! There’s another good one. Bianca could learn a thing or two about jokes here. Anyway—So to try to rescue her disastrous spiral down the Drag Race toilet, Magnolia made lots of excuses, saying she wasn’t there to win and she just wanted the publicity from being on the show, but really she was freaked out when she saw the competition and she gave up. So she covered it by pretending she didn’t really want to be there. Bad idea. Rule #1 for reality TV: never complain about being on the show. The editors will shred you.

It’s not worth getting into, because…

OUTLOOK: …RuPaul understood the viewing public wouldn’t like the way she looks on TV, so she was kicked off the show this week. #girlbye

Courtney Act
Ahh, this is better. We’re back on track with good contestants again. Courtney Act is a big deal in Australia, as she was a finalist on Australian Idol, and like any self-respecting drag queen, she reminded us of this bit of info repeatedly, thank you for that Courtney. It’s like Willam is back, rattling off her resume at every turn. Too bad Kelly Mantle was kicked off last week, or she would’ve gone crazy. (If you don’t understand that reference, you didn’t read last week’s post!)

Courtney’s theme was Republican Party, but she tossed everything aside and just wore a swimsuit as an excuse to show off her skinny little body. Sorry for the blurry photo. Courtney is an itty bitty thing and she moves fast.

She also proved her smizing skills.

Actually Willam would have just worn a bikini too. They really do have a lot in common. Willam and Courtney are both sexy blondes. Willam and Courtney are both singers. I wonder if Courtney is an insatiable bottom? Damn it, there I go again! Don’t let Bianca read this!

OUTLOOK: So far her look is very traditional female impersonation, and that’s lovely but also very limiting. She needs to show some creativity beyond the lucky fact that she can put on a wig and look like a girl. Hopefully she’ll glam it up at some point, or she’ll become monotonous.

Darienne Lake
Darienne Lake was given St Patrick’s Day Party, so she modeled some green fabric into a garment from the Lane Bryant Disco Revival collection.
This was awful.

Of course she lip synced for her life in the Bottom 2.
But don’t you just want to give her a big hug?

Darienne is funny, smart, magnetic, she knows how to speak in sound bytes to make it easy for editors to use her in a TV show, and she has a twinkle in her eye that hints she knows how to have fun. She seems like the kind of girl you want to be friends with.
OUTLOOK: This first Challenge wasn’t a good representation of her ability. After a few seasons with avant garde drag winners (Raja, Sharon Needles, Jinkx Monsoon), RuPaul has interest in honoring a true pageant-type performer. I’m calling her as part of the Final 3.


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