I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Sunday, August 18, 2013


Physical attractiveness boils down to whether someone looks as if they would be a good 'vehicle' in which to pass on your genes to the next generation in men, height, clarity of eyes and skin, muscle mass and tone, good teeth, and other 'health markers'. This all adds to a sense of health, vitality, and a good genetic bet.

In both sexes, physical symmetry is deemed most attractive. However, someone can look great, tick all the gene boxes, but leave you colder than a March morning on the north face of Everest. Attractive people can even be 'ugly' on paper, but they hold some kind of fascination.

What I want to talk about here are the behaviours that will make you more attractive regardless of how you look.

Be a little different
you'll see hundreds of young men and women all dressed the same, same clothes, speaking in the same tones, using the same words, texting furiously at the expense of just enjoying being with the people that are physically present. Of course, conforming to type is important for most young'uns - especially if they feel they haven't yet formed their own identity. But to be especially attractive (above and beyond physical looks), you need to be a little different or at least memorable.

Consider adopting a certain subtle style of dress. Decide what your opinions are. Don't just go with the herd. Listen to and learn from those who communicate well and learn to communicate in your way.

Health is sexy

So you may not naturally be the most symmetrical, or handsome man, but anyone can try to get enough sleep and exercise (both of which are natural beautifiers), eat healthily, and avoid too much alcohol.

Don't dis your exes

If you want to be more attractive, don't communicate too much negativity. Cynicism is depressing. But it's especially not a great idea to rubbish your ex-partners (at least not too soon!).
Hours spent offloading your regrets, anguish, and resentments over past loves can make any possible new ones feel as redundant as sunscreen oil on a winter's midnight. And they may feel they're getting an unwelcome glimpse of their own possible relationship fate.

Be bold - but caring

The need to feel protected apparently runs deep. But it also seems that some gays don't just like macho, but a blend of brave and caring, tough and sensitive. Demonstrating these traits is what makes you attractive - so if you're a guy, cuddling a poodle whilst talking about your next white water rafting expedition should do it.

Remember, all of the above should be by products of you relaxing with yourself and being friendly and interested (which make you interesting). Trying too hard to 'be more attractive' can produce diminishing returns as the 'trying' starts to get in the way of the 'just being'.


"You cannot cross  a river without getting wet."

Zulu (Afrikan) proverb


About The Movie:

For those unaware, The Butler was renamed Lee Daniels’ The Butler in response to a lawsuit filed by Warner Bros. (which claimed the rights to the original title). The historical drama is based upon the life and times of the late Eugene Allen: an African-American who was employed as a “pantry man,” then as a butler, and eventually as the maรฎtre d’hรดtel in the White House from 1952 to 1986. By the time he retired, Allen had worked for seven different U.S. presidents, during a period of time in which the American social landscape began to undergo radical changes.

Daniels’ movie stars Forest Whitaker as Cecil Gaines, the character inspired by the real-life Eugene Allen. Cecil starts from humble beginnings working as a child house servant on a cotton farm in the 1920s, but grows up to become a successful butler – that is, before he accepts an offer to become a member of the care-taking staff for the Oval Office. However, the long hours demanded by Cecil’s job take their toll on his wife Gloria (Oprah Winfrey); not to mention, Cecil’s dedication to the White House puts him at odds with his oldest son Louis (David Oyelowo), when the latter becomes an iron-willed participant in the American Civil Rights Movement.

What Is Good/Bad About The Movie:

Working alongside pals played by Cuba Gooding Jr. and Lenny Kravitz, and of course a rotating cast of actors dressed up like Presidents, Cecil accomplishes… well, he accomplishes hanging on to a well-paying job, and occasionally lobbying to his boss for equal pay for black and white employees-- his one nod toward the civil rights movement exploding around him. Years pass, White House administrations change, and we see Cecil have some kind of meaningful moment with nearly every President who comes by (Jimmy Carter, for whatever reason, is absent). The way Daniels and screenwriter Danny Strong tell it, a single conversation with Cecil inspired Eisenhower (Robin Williams) to support integration, Kennedy (James Marsden) to support voting rights, Lyndon Johnson (Liev Schreiber) to promote the Great Society, and Nixon (John Cusack) to at least think for a second about all the awful things he's done. Cecil's humble, quiet presence can't quite convince Reagan (Alan Rickman) to speak out against apartheid, but hey, a single butler can't change all of history on his own.

Back at home, Cecil's job pays for a modest but comfortable house, a college education for his son Louis (Oyelowo), and a way for his wife (Oprah Winfrey) to stay home and raise the kids. In her first screen performance since 1998's Beloved, and never acting for a second like she's anything less than the most famous person in the cast. She pours herself drinks and swans around the house, donning a series of wigs as Cecil's troubled, outrageously bored wife, careening toward alcoholism while her husband is busy caring for Presidential families. It's an odd note to strike in a movie that's otherwise doggedly devoted to the story of what the poster calls how "one quiet voice can ignite a revolution," but as out of place as she may be, Oprah brings some much-needed levity-- and eventually high drama-- to the film. A subplot in which her character gives in to temptation with a neighbor (Terrence Howard) goes nowhere, but it gives Oprah the flirtatious line "What you doing with my hangers?" and God love it for that. When Cecil comes home the day Kennedy is shot, her honest-to-God response is "I'm really sorry about the President. But you and that White House can kiss my ass." How can anybody else be expected to compete with that?
Oyelowo is the only actor who does compete, giving yet another one of the focused, intense performances that's made him such a promising up-and-comer. But he and Whitaker seem to be in a completely different film than Oprah and others, whose performances are imported from a movie more like Lee Daniels efforts like Precious and The Paperboy, one willing to go gonzo for better or for worse. The Butler feels like Daniels straightening his shoulders and trying to grow up, and except for a few dramatic scenes-- attacks on the Freedom Riders, a dinner table conflict between Cecil and Louis, the D.C. riots that followed Martin Luther King's assassination-- the film operates at the same even, needlessly stuffy level. Somewhere between Oyelowo and Whitaker's natural acting and the dinner-theater craziness of John Cusack's sweaty Richard Nixon, The Butler gets torn in too many directions, a story with too much to say and almost no effective way of saying it.

Overall Grade: B+


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