WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO THIS GUY ABOUT HIS SEX~LESS RELATIONSHIP?
Me and my partner have been together for just under 2 years now and we love each other very much. Due to a strange set of circumstances he moved in with me and my family within the first year of us meeting. However this is not the source of our problem.
We had Sex a lot while we where
dating and before he moved in. To some extent we were at it like rabbits. Since
he's moved in we have gone from one extreme to the other and now it is rare
that we have sex at all.
We have discussed at great length
about sex and how to solve our problems and we seem to hit a brick wall every
time. It has now become a problem where the only time we have sex is if I
instigate it and then having sex for him becomes a chore that he can tick of a
list. It is also uncomfortable because I don't feel the closeness and bond that
we should be experience when we have sex.
We really love each other very much
and want to be together forever, but this issue puts a strain on our
relationship and we are not sure how to fix it.
We would really appreciate any advice
or guidance you could give us. -C
Since he's moved into a pre-existing household (boyfriend + the "in-laws"), perhaps a get-away to an exotic place (a nude/clothing optional resort) where they both can "hang loose" and be wild (without others in a nearby room).
ReplyDeleteA nude resort huh? COOL!
DeleteThe problem with this advice is that more often than not, the 'elephants in the room' packs their trunks (haha) and come along with... The expectation that going away somewhere is going to solve the problem creates more stress and consequently, more disappointment and more guilt.
ReplyDeleteI easily could have authored that email myself and all I can tell you is that despite two years of constant medical supervision and psychotherapy on both our parts, nothing has changed. My own therapy has given me the resolve to love and understand him as best I can; I don't want to leave or give myself 'permission to play' and I pray every night that just maybe he will reach over in bed and touch me or allow me to touch him without him cringing or backing away. I wait all weekend for that wink I used to get and the 'let's go upstairs' that made me weak in the knees, but it doesn't happen.
I am engaged in an all out war with his depression, lack of self-esteem and his guilt (the three gazillion pound elephants in the room) and in all honesty; I'm fed up, angry, exhausted and more hurt than I can possible express here. The one positive emotion I still have is HOPE. Maybe things will take a turn for the better tonight, or tomorrow, or next week or in a month, or by my birthday, or by next Xmas. The only way I will know is if I stick around, and that is what I intend to do.
I wonder if he would do the same for me.
TMI, but I feel like truth-telling today.
It took me a while to respond to this because I can't believe your relationship is in this place.
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