Despite our… let’s call them varied experiences with dating, many of us never had conversations with our exes to understand where things went wrong. Now as a disclaimer, I’d like to acknowledge that, I know that everyone of your exes won’t be honest with you, but having this conversation can’t hurt nonetheless.
Many of us don’t talk about our relationships until tension & ‘issues’ arrive and many of us simply can’t be bother “do the work” a successful relationship requires, moreover, we don’t want to give the energy it’ll take for us to make things work.
How can we talk about navigating each other’s learning curves without sacrificing our own journey? How can we digest the bitter things that are difficult for our egos to hear? Can we accept how we’ve failed in our past relationships?
Our past relationships don’t normally appear dysfunctional when we are in them because most of the time we aren’t thinking about them. I don’t mean to say that we’ve never considered the status and nature of our relationships, but that we weren’t thinking critically about them as creative, collaborative projects with a shared vision whose likelihood of success (and/or failure) depended largely on intentional, mutual, and critical analysis between you and your partner(s).
You know?
Please feel free to ask yourself, how did I allowed myself to become so complacent?
When had I gotten so content to sit back and let my relationships happen?
Where had this pattern begun?
Having littered the field with a plethora of ex-lovers, all of which I have left for various reasons (no sex, they talked too much, they stole my money, alcoholic, lied about something REAL big, didn't follow, was too stupid to live) I can tell you... at this point? I embrace the dysfunction. Fuck all that shit about a healthy relationship. Uh-huh. That's a lie we and everybody tells ourselves - a never fail escape hatch. I found someone I get along with. He has baggage. I have baggage. We made room for the baggage. We enjoy each other's company. I let him live his life. He lets me live mine. We giggle about the stupid stuff the other does. But we never argue. We never fight. Because... why? He's not perfect. Neither am I. But we're good company. Oh, and a cocktail now and then helps. Kisses.
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