I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Thursday, March 9, 2023


If we’re being honest, the act of dating, at times can actually feel a bit dated itself. And that’s not to say that going on dates is a thing of the past, it just feels like in this day and age of “dating” apps, instant gratification is prioritized above anything else. Hell, at one point, even I used to have “miss me with the small talk and get straight to the point”, in my profile description (I know, insert cringe face emoji). But I think there’s a dating renaissance emerging. People seem to be getting tired of the quick thrills, lack of meaningful conversations and the empty sex (not everyone though, there’s always going to be some hoes out there and there’s nothing wrong with that). So if you find yourself in the near future accepting a date, but you feel a little rusty — here are some tips on how to approach that date, no matter your sexual position.


Let’s just get this one out of the way. We’re all grown here, fucking on the first date might very well be an option. Unless you’ve absolutely communicated that you want to get to know one another first, you shouldn’t rule sex out on the first night.

Tops: Please do not jerk off or fuck anyone else on the day of your actual date. Whether it’s a coffee, lunch or dinner date — be prepared to come to that date cocked and fully loaded! If there has been heavy flirtation leading up to the date and you think there’s a good chance of having sex, wouldn’t you want to come, well full of cum. But also with a rock hard dick? If you let that first load off earlier in the day, there’s no guarantee you will be ready for a second round in the very same day. First impressions are everything. Besides, bottoms know when we’re getting that second nut kind of dick. The stroke is weak, save us the second hand embarrassment (and load) please.

Bottoms: If you take dick on a regular basis, then you already know what the lifestyle of bottoming entails. Watch what you eat at least a day leading up to your date, keep your meals light and cute so you don’t have to worry about bubble guts on your date night. Before you actually go on the date, you should clean that ass out. If you even think that some fucking may ensue, even if it’s just the tip — douche that ass.

Vers: While being versatile may afford you the best of both worlds, bitch you’ve got double the work to do. Combine the aforementioned prep tips for being a top and bottom and wallah, you have your sex date night tips. Besides, you’re versatile baby, you can adapt to any situation!

And let’s finally put this topic to rest, YES! It is absolutely okay to ask someone what their sexual position is in the bedroom. Communication is key and compatibility is important. Let’s not waste each other’s time. Even if you don’t hear what you’d like to hear, it’s at least good to know what you’re getting yourself into. Compromise has made a lot of things work hunny. But you won’t know until you ask.


No matter what position you identify as sexually, every date (if it’s any good), will involve some conversation. But there’s an art to conversing, it doesn’t come so easily for everyone. You can over-talk, you can under-talk, you can even just talk foolishness all night. If you’re not a natural conversationalist, a little homework prior to your date doesn’t hurt. Browse their social media to see if you can gauge your dates interest. What’s their aesthetic? What do they have listed in their profile bio? What do they do for work? Try to find out those details so you can have an idea of what peaks their interest — this way you can at least know what topics to bring up at dinner in an effort to spark conversation. If that’s not working, universal topics like music, food and television are always great segues. Who’s your favorite musical artist? It’s your last meal, what are you choosing and why? What shows are you watching right now? If all else fails, just play the “who would you rather game”: Naomi or Tyra? Mariah or J. Lo? Nene or Kenya? Trust me, you’ll learn everything that you’ll need to know about them. And for the love of god, avoid talking about politics.


No expectations leads to no disappointments. First and foremost, come into this date knowing that you can afford to pay for your own meal. Financial freedom is essentially the key to saying “I’m choosey”. But don’t aspire to be a choosey person, those people are so obnoxious. Just know that being able to pay for yourself can save you a lot of time and/or a headache in the case that the evening is going horribly. If that’s the case, ask for separate checks and pay. Then get your ass up and you split ya’ damn self away from that nightmare of a date. But also, don’t enter the evening assuming that your partner will just cover the entire bill. Aren’t we in a recession of some sort? Don’t let all of this designer wear that the girls are wearing these days fool you into thinking that they got it like that (you know it’s fake anyway). Maybe your date just wants to get a feel for you before they make their mind up as to whether they’d like to treat you to dinner or not. Having your own money is just one less thing that you’d need to worry about. Even if he does pay, the night might be going so well that maybe you want to treat him to a nightcap. Bottom line, bitch don’t be broke. If you are, stay yo’ ass home and just log onto one of those “dating” apps.


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