“Different strokes
for different folks” has never been a more appropriate saying. What makes sex
“boring” is subjective. People have different tastes, needs, fetishes, and skill sets.
But if what
was once a spontaneous, thrilling, robust sex life with
your partner feels like it’s been replaced by obligatory intimacy, there are
things you can do to get back in sync with each other.
First of all,
don’t freak out. There are bright, throbbing lights at the end of this tunnel
of boring sex. Whether you or your partner is dealing with physical or mental
health issues, you’re having relationship woes, or you simply need to bring the sexy back, there are plenty of ways to return
your sex life to its former glory.
Emotional causes of boring sex
Boring sex may
not be related to the sex itself at all. Your mental health and happiness can
have a big impact on your sexual satisfaction.
We need to
talk: Relationship tensions
If your
once-steamy romps have turned into snoozefests (or disappeared altogether), it
may have to do with your emotional connection. One
study suggested that greater emotional intimacy with a partner is linked to
greater sexual desire.
You can start
the conversation or talk to a couples’ counselor
together to identify and work through any issues that may be holding you back
from the sex of your dreams.
Libido
vultures: Depression, anxiety, and ADHD
If you’re feeling
overwhelmed or distressed in the streets, you’re probably not going to feel
relaxed and playful in the sheets.
Depression and
anxiety
Depression
is linked to decreases in libido and in relationship satisfaction. According to
a 2017 research review, depression is associated with a 50 to
70 percent increase in the risk of sexual dysfunction.
And even
treatments for depression can have sexual side effects. Research
suggests that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) medications, which
are used to treat depression and anxiety, can make it difficult to get turned
on, stay turned on, and reach orgasm.
What’s more,
depression and anxiety can cause insomnia,
which has been associated with sexual dysfunction in men
and postmenopausal women.
ADHD
Attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that causes symptoms like
hyperactivity, and lack of focus.
ADHD has been
associated with an unusually high sex drive (aka hypersexuality) — research suggests this often shows up as a constant need
for sex and a voracious appetite for porn. ADHD is also associated with hyposexuality,
a loss of desire for sex.
A lack of
variety in your sex life could be bringing boredom into your bedroom — or there
could be something up with your bod.
Pain
Love hurts,
and sex can too, especially for women. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports
that almost 3 in 4 women experience pain during intercourse at some point.
This pain can
put a damper on doing the deed or keep you from seeking out sexy time at all.
But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it needs to be your new norm. Be open
with your doctor about what you’re experiencing to get their advice on
treatment methods.
Erectile
dysfunction
Research suggests that erectile dysfunction is another
common issue that can contribute to sexual frustration.
Stamina
Exercising
has lots of benefits for your health and well-being, and one of them is extra
stamina in bed. Working on your fitness level,
whatever that looks like for you, is a goal we can all get behind. And if it
comes with the bonus of better sex, that’s all the more reason to break a
sweat.
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