People say
that kissing is a far more intimate experience than sex itself. Only from a
single first kiss, you can tell а lot about the person, whether they’ll be good
in bed, and what to expect from a future relationship. Probably, you’ve already
encountered quite a few different kissers and none of them were like Tweedledum
and Tweedledee. They all had a different technique - some were awesome, others
- a total disaster. For those who are still not very experienced in the art of
kissing, here are the type of kissers you’ll come across in your lifetime.
THE PECKER
It's not his
dick's pet name. We call him “the Pecker” because when he nears your face with
the obvious intention to kiss you, what you see in horror and disgust is that
his mouth is taking the form of a butthole. The pecker kiss he gives you is
more of an innocent mother-son kiss than a prelude to a hurricane in bed. You
can tell the Pecker is inexperienced lover by his body language. If he doesn’t
engage other body parts in the kiss, like touching your hand or leaning his
torso towards yours, he is probably not only a bad kisser, but also a bad
lover. But still, don’t give up on the boy. After all, nobody’s born knowing.
THE GROPER
If you don’t
like strangers groping you, this type of kisser is going to be another
disappointment. He is not interested in what impression he’s going to make with
the first kiss. He is just eager to slide a hand into your pants, put a tongue
into your ear, and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to wаlk after that.
Needles to say, the groper doesn’t care about corny stuff like romance and
relationships. He is looking only for no-strings-attached sex.
THE NECK
KISSER
If you think
his intentions are purely platonic, you are mistaken. Kissing the neck of your
partner is seen as a very erotic gesture. Adding a few neck kisses during a
make-out session can add a lot of intensity to the experience. This type of
kisser is an attentive and considerate lover. Probably, you are not going to end
up living happily ever after, but good sex is guaranteed.
THE STINKER
If his breath
stinks of chili burrito, cigarettes, and rotting teeth, your partner is
obviously not well acquainted with the basic rules of personal hygiene. The
deadening breath can also be a sign that he doesn’t care about… Red flag! Red
flag!… his sexual partners. If you are lucky, the Stinker may not be an
oversensitive kind of person who hates being given negative feedback and will
start using mouthwash for any kisses in the future.
THE HANNIBAL
LECTOR
This type of
kisser is a real cannibal, and he won’t let go of you until you can’t feel your
face anymore. He’ll chew and suck on your lips until they start bleeding. This
guy is most probably into BDSM, but his kinkiness doesn’t have to scare you.
Judging by his kissing, you might think he is Marquise de Sade and Hannibal
Lector in one, but he might as well have a tender soul of a zen buddhist.
THE PUPPY
Some people
enjoy having their faces licked by pet dogs because they see it as a sign of
happiness, gratitude, and devotion. But if you are not one of those people,
kissing a guy who does the same can be a nauseating experience. If you chose to
ignore the excessive wetness, you'll realize that the Puppy is a faithful lover
who never gets tired or bored of being around you. Satisfying all your whims
and sexual needs is his priority.
THE FRENCH
KISSER
You may
imagine a romantic kiss on the background of Seine’s quays at sunset in early
spring, but there is, in fact, nothing French about the French kisser. Yes, if
the tongue is properly used, this type of kiss can be extremely arousing, but
often it is accompanied by moans and groans, which makes this guy incredibly
awkward to kiss with in public places.
THE NOTEBOOK
KISSER
Ryan Gosling
kissing Rachel McAdams on the official poster of the Notebook movie (2004) -
that is what we call a professional kisser. You’ll know you’ve met your Ryan
the second he kisses you. The perfect kisser delivers a kiss not only with his
mouth but with all his body and soul. His kiss is explosive and is considered a
PG-13 content, and yet, it's decent because it doesn’t involve tongue. What it
involves, though, is a promise of many more kisses, and sunsets, and
lovemaking.
SOURCE: ANDREW CHRISTIAN
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