During one of
the first lockdowns, I was strongly encouraged to start my Booktube channel.
However, when thinking back to that time, I realised that I was going through
some sort of identity crisis. I was losing faith not only in myself, but also
in my future. It was a helpless time; the news was flooded with accounts of
police brutality, the pandemic raged on, and the publishing industry continued
to fail people of colour in various ways. I began to doubt my own future of being
able to work in an industry that I had admired for most of my life and thus, I
had arrived at what seemed like an impasse. Later, I would realise that it was
by creating content about literature that I could help to provide an escape
from my worries, and a way to combat them.
At this moment
in time, my next read was ‘All
Boys Aren’t Blue’ by George M. Johnson, a memoir-manifesto depicting
Johnson’s upbringing as a queer Black person in America through various
personal essays. Thinking back, there were a variety of complex thoughts and
feelings I experienced through my reading of this book. One of the main things
I took was the necessity to be an activist for myself, and the values I believe
in.
Throughout the
book, we are shown the importance of standing up for ourselves as Johnson
notes, “the first person you are ever an activist for is yourself,” and it
was with this mindset that I realised I needed to fight and believe in myself,
both in my daily life and in my future in the industry. Being a queer Black
person, especially when you start to consider the intersectionality of these
identities, comes with a unique multitude of challenges. However, it was in
this intersectionality that I found my sources of strength, wisdom, and courage
to do whatever I put my mind to, as it was time to experiment with new ideas
and ventures. I became comfortable with the uncertainty of my future, and chose
to live in the present with a renewed sense of faith in myself.
‘All Boys
Aren’t Blue’ not only reminded me of my strength and resilience as a queer
Black person, but it also helped begin my journey towards discovering I was
non-binary. The notion had existed in my mind since high school, inhabited by
the uncomfortable feeling of being called a man amongst other lingering
thoughts associated with my gender. Johnson notes during the book
that “you sometimes don’t know you exist until you realise someone like
you existed before,” and it was exactly how I felt witnessing Johnson’s story.
I was reading the memories shared by a non-binary queer Black person, the good
and the bad. There were so many things that I resonated with, through my own
experiences growing up and the current struggles I was having. But it was when
I eventually started to question my gender identity, that I would return to
this book as a source of knowing that this part of me existed.
It was also
through this that I was asked to do my very first author interview with George
M. Johnson, to celebrate the UK release of this book. It was a profound moment
for me, an exciting opportunity where I was able to discuss the experiences of
writing and activism with Johnson, along with any advice they would give to
young Black queer teens. It’s a conversation that has stuck with me, and one
that I return to every so often. It became a reflection of taking the advice
from someone who has experienced in their past, what I was experiencing in my
present. It was here that I found an added source of strength, a belief that I
would come out of the other side of my identity crisis as a more powerful and
resolute person. And I did.
This book
means so much to me, as it was the book I needed to read during this
challenging stage of my life. As I aforementioned, there have been so many
other books that made a profound impact on me. Books that would contain
characters that I found myself represented in, and books written by authors who
shared and understood my experiences. The need to have books out there for
people to find themselves in became increasingly important to me, for people to
experience the sense of validation and encouragement that I experienced — or to
even realise themselves that they exist and can bring something unique to this
world through their own lived experiences. I carry the hope that people can
find the value they hold, and the pride in themselves.
Five Queer
Book Recommendations
The
Final Strife by Saara El-Arifi
Me,
My Dad and the End of the Rainbow by Benjamin Dean
Here
and Queer: A Queer Girl’s Guide to Life by Rowan Ellis
The
Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson
Cemetery
Boys by Aiden Thomas
Joel is one of three
panellists taking part in the Penguin Pride 2022 Penguin Live Event. It will
take place at Above The Stag, Vauxhall, 22nd July 2022.
Joel will be
joined by fellow panellists Liam
Konemann and Prishita
Maheshwari-Aplin to talk about the LGBTQ+ inclusive books that changed
their lives, leading the audience through personal and uplifting stories of
self-discovery and the unique power of reading.
Tickets are
now sold out but you can watch the live stream of the event here.
SOURCE: GAY TIMES
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