Lost in the
hug of the beloved, the self, in a sense, dies. The sparkling flame of love in
the heart, along with the intense pleasure of the sexual act, leave
no space for the ego. When in love, the mind with its past and future,
worries and concerns, dissolves. And that’s precisely what love is: the
extinction of the self — that is, the disappearance of the boundaries
between the I and you — the sense of
belonging to a greater whole whose depths we can’t fathom. When this
happens, we shine our brightest and feel at home with existence. Nothing
is lacking — we feel complete and are not needy of anything. Desires and
expectations stop torturing the mind and we accept life as it is.
As long as
there’s no love between partners, sex cannot be anything more than an
egoistic act. Partners will be trying to control and exploit one
another — to turn one another into their sexual objects solely for
their personal gratification. Unconsciously, all they want to get out of
sex is love, but love cannot be forced or demanded. Mistaking sex for love
and wanting to quench their thirst for loving connection through it, they
become obsessed with having more and more sex, not realizing that they are
trying to drink from an empty well.
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