As queer beings we often have a tendency to fight against using our natural
gifts. Many stories of success start with an individual who is ignoring the
call of his or her inborn abilities. There are many possible reasons for this
resistance, from fear that the calling will be too difficult to a disbelief in
the very work one is being asked to do. We may feel too small, too distracted
by other people's ideas about what we should do, or too uninformed. Whatever
the case, the resistance to actualizing ourselves has very concrete
consequences, and many of us have been called out of hiding by an illness or a
twist of fate that unequivocally dismantled our resistance. In other the words,
the universe knocks, and if we don't answer it knocks louder.
For example, if you are meant to be a psychic or a medium, and you aren't using
that gift, you may get headaches. If you are meant to be a healer and are
trying to be a lawyer, you may have trouble getting or keeping a job. This
doesn't mean that you can't still be a lawyer, but perhaps integrating your
gifts into your work is what is calling you. On the other hand, you may simply
feel an underlying anxiety that you are not on the right path, doing the right
thing. Pay attention to this feeling, and ask for guidance from the universe,
being open to all its communications, from subtle internal yearnings to
powerful dreams. As you begin to risk opening the door to your natural gifts,
your life situation may shift in a powerful way. However, you may find that
small steps in the right direction, such as taking a class or setting aside one
night a week to paint or write, is enough for now.
The first step on the journey to our calling in life is to listen to our
internal voices and respond to the knocking universe at the door. As we do, the
symptoms and anxieties that have haunted us will fade into the background,
replaced by opportunities, both big and small, to open the door to what we are
truly here to do.
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