I understand
what people mean when they say “Cupid’s arrow.” Love can strike in an instant
when you least expect it, almost always out of the blue. That’s what makes it
exciting and longed for. Some gay guys spend their whole lives waiting for
Cupid’s arrow to strike. Once it does, many spend the rest of their lives
cursing the day it ever did.
Sometimes love
isn’t reciprocated, what do you do then? Sure you can fall for strangers people do it all the time. You might have puppy crushes on your neighbor, your
barista, a coworker, etc. But what happens when you generally start to fall in
love with a man you barely know? The kind of love where you lose hours of
sleep, you think about him morning, noon and night, your friends are sick of
you talking about it, and every thing you see is a reminder that he doesn’t
love you the same.
Let’s set the
record straight here: investing yourself in a fantasy is different from
falling for a MAN. You can’t say that you’ve fallen for someone
until you’ve actually gotten to know the person very well when you’re living
inside your imagination for weeks or months, it’s the imaginary character
you’re in love with. Not the man. It’s hard to differentiate the two after a
long period of time, so much so that the real person eventually gets painted
over by your fantasy of him. The imagination will always win against reality if
it’s strong enough.
By the time you
realize it was all in your head, it’s usually too late. You’ve hypnotized yourself
so much that, psychologically, you’ve attached yourself to him. You don’t know
how to break him away from your daily thoughts. Fantasizing about your future
together became a habit too hard to break. You’re committed to an imaginary
boyfriend who will never give you what you need. At the end of the day, you’re
still going to be alone in your apartment, while the “real” man of your
fantasies isn’t.
The human mind
is fascinating. When we decide we want something, we manipulate our thoughts
into thinking we have it already. It’s a weird kind of survival mechanism to
protect ourselves from feeling like sh*t most of the time. While it’s necessary
for our mental stability, it can be dangerous when applied to real life
decisions.
I’ve seen
countless of gay guys change their plans, go against their will, and spend
thousands of dollars chasing after a man who doesn’t want them. They’ve moved
across country, ignored important job opportunities, even rejected authentic
guys who in reality loved them, all because of being brainwashed into thinking
the man at the center of their focus will someday come around. Trust me when I
say this is crazy thinking stalkers have used this kind of obsession to
lethal outcomes.
It’s easier
than you think to become obsessed with a man. All it takes is a few short weeks
of thinking. From there on out, your brain will do the rest. It takes over and
eventually becomes fuel too powerful to diminish. The fictional world in which
we created overcomes the truth. At the beginning, it’s utter bliss – delusions
often are. To us, we don’t see how intense it is until our friends start to
politely say, “I think it’s time to let go,” or “Forget about him,” or
everyone’s favorite: “You’re talking like a crazy person right now.”
Let me be your
best friend and give you a dose of honesty. I’ve been there. We’ve all been
there. When a man doesn’t love you back, we’re socially trained to want to
change his mind. Loving someone is a beautiful thing, but I can’t say that I
love chocolate if I’ve never really had it. You can’t make up an entire
relationship if you don’t even know the guy that well all you have to go on
is a fantasy. You’re in love with an imaginary human being.
It’s time to
cut the cord. Trust me, earth is a wonderful place to be. Come back to it. Snap
out of it. It’s going to be hard. The months of built up tension and make
believe has turned you into a robot you just can’t seem to stop. But your
imagination is strong. All you need to do is channel it somewhere else: your
career, friends, family, love, yourself. Use the fuel you’ve gained during this
time and put it towards something you’re likely to benefit from. Only then will
reality become a reflection of what’s in your head.
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