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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

IT IS TIME TO END THINGS WITH THAT IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND IN YOUR HEAD

I understand what people mean when they say “Cupid’s arrow.” Love can strike in an instant when you least expect it, almost always out of the blue. That’s what makes it exciting and longed for. Some gay guys spend their whole lives waiting for Cupid’s arrow to strike. Once it does, many spend the rest of their lives cursing the day it ever did.

Sometimes love isn’t reciprocated, what do you do then? Sure you can fall for strangers people do it all the time. You might have puppy crushes on your neighbor, your barista, a coworker, etc. But what happens when you generally start to fall in love with a man you barely know? The kind of love where you lose hours of sleep, you think about him morning, noon and night, your friends are sick of you talking about it, and every thing you see is a reminder that he doesn’t love you the same.

Let’s set the record straight here: investing yourself in a fantasy is different from falling for a MANYou can’t say that you’ve fallen for someone until you’ve actually gotten to know the person very well when you’re living inside your imagination for weeks or months, it’s the imaginary character you’re in love with. Not the man. It’s hard to differentiate the two after a long period of time, so much so that the real person eventually gets painted over by your fantasy of him. The imagination will always win against reality if it’s strong enough.

By the time you realize it was all in your head, it’s usually too late. You’ve hypnotized yourself so much that, psychologically, you’ve attached yourself to him. You don’t know how to break him away from your daily thoughts. Fantasizing about your future together became a habit too hard to break. You’re committed to an imaginary boyfriend who will never give you what you need. At the end of the day, you’re still going to be alone in your apartment, while the “real” man of your fantasies isn’t.

The human mind is fascinating. When we decide we want something, we manipulate our thoughts into thinking we have it already. It’s a weird kind of survival mechanism to protect ourselves from feeling like sh*t most of the time. While it’s necessary for our mental stability, it can be dangerous when applied to real life decisions.

I’ve seen countless of gay guys change their plans, go against their will, and spend thousands of dollars chasing after a man who doesn’t want them. They’ve moved across country, ignored important job opportunities, even rejected authentic guys who in reality loved them, all because of being brainwashed into thinking the man at the center of their focus will someday come around. Trust me when I say this is crazy thinking stalkers have used this kind of obsession to lethal outcomes.

It’s easier than you think to become obsessed with a man. All it takes is a few short weeks of thinking. From there on out, your brain will do the rest. It takes over and eventually becomes fuel too powerful to diminish. The fictional world in which we created overcomes the truth. At the beginning, it’s utter bliss – delusions often are. To us, we don’t see how intense it is until our friends start to politely say, “I think it’s time to let go,” or “Forget about him,” or everyone’s favorite: “You’re talking like a crazy person right now.”

Let me be your best friend and give you a dose of honesty. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. When a man doesn’t love you back, we’re socially trained to want to change his mind. Loving someone is a beautiful thing, but I can’t say that I love chocolate if I’ve never really had it. You can’t make up an entire relationship if you don’t even know the guy that well all you have to go on is a fantasy. You’re in love with an imaginary human being.


It’s time to cut the cord. Trust me, earth is a wonderful place to be. Come back to it. Snap out of it. It’s going to be hard. The months of built up tension and make believe has turned you into a robot you just can’t seem to stop. But your imagination is strong. All you need to do is channel it somewhere else: your career, friends, family, love, yourself. Use the fuel you’ve gained during this time and put it towards something you’re likely to benefit from. Only then will reality become a reflection of what’s in your head.

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