Understanding how passion works is a key secret to making your relationship last.
Many people crave
passion, take it for granted, and assume the intensity and excitement will last
forever. Unfortunately, these assumptions are wrong.
Understanding
how passion works is a key secret to making your relationship last. It allows you
to have completely different expectations of yourself, your relationship, and
your partner.
Instead of
thinking, “What’s wrong with us?” you’ll be able to calmly say, “Hey, my relationship
isn’t in trouble after all! I should expect passion to fade over time. This is
totally typical.”
You might even
decide to work harder on your relationship and give it another try.
Are you able to reignite the passion?
Even if you reset
your expectations, that doesn’t mean that your relationship should only be about
friendship. The elements of passion, romance, and sexual desire are still essential
to any long-term relationship.
My long-term study
of couples finds that you can rekindle the passion and sexual
desire by adding three behaviors back into the relationship: newness, mystery,
and arousal — the same behaviors that created the passion in the first place.
Engage in new
activities with your partner
This can be as
simple as finding a new restaurant in a part of the city where you never go. Or
you could try water skiing for the first time, or attend a cooking class together.
Here are some creative date
ideas to spice things up.
Add some mystery
or surprise back into your relationship
Yes, all of
what you’re thinking regarding role playing and lingerie counts. My research also
finds that other activities reduce boredom and predictability, such as spontaneously
going to play miniature golf at midnight or surprising them with tickets to a
basketball game.
Seek arousal-producing
activities
If you do an
activity together that creates an endorphin and adrenaline rush, this state of
heightened arousal can actually get transferred to your partner and relationship.
In a sense, you’re tricking your brain to attribute these pleasurable sensations
to your partner.
A vigorous workout side-by-side at the gym will work. Or watch a
really scary movie — the kind that makes your heart race. You can also scream your
head off on a roller coaster ride at an amusement park.
After you
reset your expectations about passion, try adding these behaviors to your
relationship. Assuming that your relationship has trust, compatibility, and you
can manage your differences, the passion and sexual attraction should return.
If you’ve exhausted
all options and you’re still unhappy, it may be worth taking a break or ending the relationship. Relationships should still be fun
and you should continue to grow with a partner. If they aren’t the right fit, don’t
forget: The world is full of interesting people.
SOURCE: GREATIST
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