When we present ourselves
to the community without a mask and keep it real, we offer the same opportunity
for others to do the same.
Most of us are familiar with the idea of keeping it
real and have an intuitive sense about what that means. People who keep it real
don't hide behind a mask to keep themselves safe from their fear of how they
might be perceived. They don't present a false self in order to appear more
perfect, more powerful, or more independent. People who keep it real present
themselves as they truly are, the good parts and the parts most of us would
rather hide, sharing their full selves with the people who are lucky enough to
know them.
Being real in this way is not an easy thing to do as
we live in a gay culture that often shows us images of physical and material
perfection. As a result, we all want to look younger, thinner, wealthier, and
more successful. We are rewarded externally when we succeed at this masquerade,
but people who are real remind us that, internally, we suffer. Whenever we feel
that who we are is not enough and that we need to be bigger, better, or more
exciting, we send a message to ourselves that we are not enough. Meanwhile,
people who are not trying to be something more than they are walk into a room
and bring a feeling of ease, humor, and warmth with them. They acknowledge
their wrinkles and laugh at their personal eccentricities without putting
themselves down.
People like this inspire us to let go of our own
defenses and relax for a moment in the truth of who we really are. In their
presence, we feel safe enough to take off our masks and experience the freedom
of not hiding behind a barrier. Those of us who were lucky enough to have a
parent who was able to keep it real may find it easier to be that way
ourselves. The rest of us may have to work a little harder to let go of our
pretenses and share the beauty and humor of our real selves. Our reward for
taking such a risk is that as we do, we will attract and inspire others, giving
them the permission to be real too.
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