1. Perfect your online presence.
Whatever dating service you
choose, take time to polish your profile. Avoid swear words, as these can make some people wary, and use
spellcheck to be sure you don’t come off as careless or… less than smart.
But don’t be
afraid to be funny and show your sense of humor. This make you seem more
approachable if someone appreciates your wit. Plus, if someone
opts not to message you back because they don’t like your style of hamming it
up, that’s fine—you probably wouldn’t get along with them anyway.
Finally, keep
it simple. No one wants to read a 1,200-word essay on your childhood. Nor
should you see a dating profile as a platform to outline your political agenda,
pet peeves with humanity, or all the insights you've gained from therapy.
2. Be real.
Choose photos
and details that best represent you. Uploading untruths attracts
folks who don’t share your true interests and courts difficulty once you have
to explain yourself.
If you’re not
a partier, don’t post a shot of you out and about with a beer in each hand. If
you prefer to sleep in on weekends, don't lie about loving your 7 a.m. Saturday
gym time. Same goes for images of you doing sports or activities you’d rather
not try again, or listing hobbies you aren’t actually into but claim to be just
to seem cool.
Be honest about what you're
looking for, but don't get too "heavy" about it. Think: "Looking
for someone who loves old movies / who's active
and enjoys the outdoors." Not: "Looking for someone to spend the rest
of my life with, who supports me unconditionally, and loves me for all my
flaws." (We all want that, but shoving it in everyone's face right off the
bat can feel intimidating, oppressive, and desperate.)
3. Set yourself apart with specifics.
“There is nothing less
informative than, ‘I am very close to my family and friends’ or ‘I love to go
to dinner and hang out with my family and friends.’ Avoid
generalizations and be specific to stand out from the rest of the online crowd:
“Instead of ‘I love to travel,’ say where you’ve traveled, how often you travel,
if you do it for work or for pleasure, or where you’d like to go in the
future.”
4. Stop swiping so much.
Having lots of options is
great, but the more choices we have, the less likely we are to make a
(satisfying) decision, studies confirm. Same goes for online dating: Research
shows the more profiles we compare, the pickier we become.
Plus, swiping
left too many times may cause us to devote more energy to vetting candidates
who may be out of our league, connect with people who don’t actually match up
with our personal preferences, or issue “no’s” to potentially good matches
simply because we assume something better is just a click away. End result: We
spend more time browsing than actually dating. Which kind of defeats the point.
This is where
Nike’s slogan comes in, If you come across a profile full of
similar interests to yours, and you’d like to meet in person, just do it.
5. Show your enthusiasm.
Once you’ve
moved to the messaging stage, replace neutral words, such as "happy"
or "fine," with more upbeat ones, like "excited" and
"wonderful." Subtle lingo tweaks like these have been shown to boost
our appeal to potential suitors.
Also, express interest in what
the other person is saying: "Oh, that's interesting you work in finance.
How did you choose that career?" or "Very cool about your meditation
practice—what do you like most about it?" And bring up topics that make
you psyched—like your fave TV show, a great book you're reading, or an upcoming
trip you can't wait for.
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