I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Friday, March 13, 2015


Photo via Choklit Daddy
If you have had your fair share of dating and mating experiences, chances are you have developed a checklist of sorts to determine who makes the cut for the second date. And who can blame you?

You have a lot going on and you don’t need to waste your time on a man who doesn’t meet the criteria for a long-term love interest. But there are a few common preliminary deal breakers that could lead you to rule out a guy that may very well be the love of your life.

So before you delete his contact info, check out the six dating deal breakers you may want to reconsider.

He doesn’t drink.

You would be an idiot to typecast every guy who is sober as someone who was once a drunk disaster. Conversely, someone in AA shows that they can recognize a problem in their life and isn’t afraid to take the steps to make it better. Everyone who is in recovery is different with how they interact with alcohol, so if you meet someone who no longer partakes in the sauce, casually inquire how they feel about your own drinking habits. Maybe it isn’t a match, or maybe you just found a guy who is fun, adventurous and can always drive if you choose to have that second martini.

He has a child.

It may be a little intimidating to learn that the guy you are interested has a child. And you may think that a child is more baggage than you are equipped to handle. But you don’t need to worry yourself with his kid until you are sure that you like him, he likes you and there is potential for more than just of month of fun dates and casual sex. If things do progress into something serious, being part of his child’s life may take you into places that you never imagined, but you may never want to leave. If you have never been a large part of a child’s life, than you have no idea if you are going to like it. But if he is the right guy for you than you might just be the right guy for him to bring into his little family.
He’s broke.

When you reach a certain financial point in your life, dating someone who is still struggling with finances can seem limiting. Call it superficial, but many will forgo a guy who is struggling because it is just too difficult to find a common ground between vastly different disposable incomes. But a single guy looking for something long term would be remiss if he measured his potential match by his bank account and not by his ambition to succeed. Maybe their career hasn’t taken off yet or they are still trying to get out of debt. It doesn’t matter what their circumstance may be, so long as you can see the desire to put in the work. And if you reject the poor guy and run into him again years later when he is doing well, you might be the one who is rejected.
He lives too far away.

So if your career is set in Seattle and he is firm on staying in Tulsa, let it just be the hot and sexy weekend in West Hollywood that it was. But if sparks were flying and either of the two of you are open to a relocation if it were to ever get that far, by all means you should download Skype and get geo-creative. If you are single, mobile and you meet a good man, don’t let long distance limit you from exploring your possibilities. No one is saying you should delete all of your other options from your contacts, but it doesn’t hurt to rack up a few miles traveling to see if where there are sparks, there is most definitely fire.

He dated your ex-boyfriend.

Finding out that the cute guy who you have plans with has also dated your ex-boyfriend would make most people to fake an illness and never reschedule. But unless you are still holding on to the hope of getting back with your former beau, his previous conquests are far game. Let’s face it; even in the biggest of cities, the gay dating pool can seem a little sparse. So if there seems to be no visible strings between the two of you to either of your exes, let the games begin.

He is HIV-positive.

Don’t worry; this is not another ploy into getting you onto PrEP. But if rejecting a guy based on his HIV status is something you would do, than you are only doing yourself a disservice. Someone’s HIV status isn’t indicative of his character and it shouldn’t be a hindrance on your romantic and sexual compatibility. But if you are in any way uncomfortable with dating someone who is living with HIV, the hot guy who just asked you to dinner has all the answers you need to quell your nerves. Unless you have never had an experience that could have made all the difference when it comes to your HIV status, don’t let someone else’s HIV status get in the way of what could be a great match.




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