¿WHY ARE GAY MEN AFRAID OF KISSING DURING A ONE NIGHT STAND?

One-night stands are always an awkward thing to talk about, especially when you’re already known to be a little promiscuous. If you’ve read any of my articles, you’ll know that I’m not exactly a saint when it comes to sex. Hell, I’d be surprised if most bars in the greater LA area didn’t have me on a VIP list for all the “satisfied” customers I gave them over the years. But above all topics, there is one thing that carries tremendous emotional power: KISSING.

I pride myself in being one hell of a kisser (just ask my boyfriend). Even during my younger single years when I was shaking it on tables, kissing was always my favorite thing. Nowadays, it’s turned into something much more intimate. It’s become a way to divide yourself emotionally from the man you’re sleeping with in an effort to become detached. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the last person who ought to be judging these kinds of things, but at the same time I can’t help but wonder if a man can actually save himself from falling in love with a one-night stand by not kissing him on the mouth. There are a lot of people who don’t kiss during one-night stands. Claiming they’re only looking for relationships, it’s a simple thing for them to do to keep their hearts closed off. And you know what? I don’t blame them.

Kissing is more powerful than any of us can imagine. It releases chemicals that reduce stress hormones. In men, it increases oxytocin, which gives us a sense of calm and focus, but it also triggers the addictive side in our brains. Not to mention, our tongues are filled with sensitive nerve endings, so a good kiss can be like a taste of heaven. It’s not a surprise surveys show great kissers maintain longer relationships. No wonder kissing is still thought by many gay guys to be too intimate for short-term hookups.

Personally, I don’t think it’s the kissing that’s the problem. It’s the way we kiss that creates a certain type of intimacy. I’ve had many one-nighters where as soon as the kissing started, we knew it was going to be a one-time thing. There’s a difference between an “I like you” kiss and an “I want to F**k the living daylight out of you” kind of kiss – and we all know the difference.

We all want to have a kissing session fit enough for us to win an MTV Movie Award, but for those gay guys who get more attached than others, kissing can lead to much more than a nice come-and-go.According to studies, human beings have evolved three brain systems: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment. When we kiss another guy, we’re having a very complex experience in our brains. The somatosensory cortex, extending from one side of the brain to the other, has a large portion devoted to picking up signals from the lips, tongue, nose and cheek areas around the mouth. In other words, it might be easier to become attached from kissing alone.

All of our bodies are different, as is our chemical pattern, so no one should judge the sexual acts of anyone. Lord knows what’s going on in their brain the second their DSLs touch another, which is why whenever I found myself with a man unwilling to kiss me, I didn’t bat an eyelash. As someone in a relationship now, I can understand where they were coming from. There’s nothing like kissing a man you truly care about, and to give strangers the privilege of tasting the goods takes away a bit of the power. For single gay guys, kissing is an excellent way of spotting chemistry and compatibility with another man. But it’s also a sign of affection. While I get the underrated power of kissing, I personally think it’s as harmless as a fruit fly – but that’s not to say another guy might feel differently.

Call me crazy, but I sometimes find myself staying up at night dreaming of a world where there’s no kissing during one-night stands. At firsthand it might seem pathetic and unnerving, but on the same token life is about adventure. Until you let your guard down and make yourself vulnerable, you’ll never know exactly what you’re dealing with. Trust me, this is coming from a guy who is dating his last one night stand – 7 years and going strong. Kissing can do that.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS