I'm as happy as anyone to see that
fan-favorite couple reunited on True Blood, but could the show have
served up a more tepid, boring penultimate episode otherwise?
How a season that started (loosely)
with the premise of "Zombie Vampires" managed to not only thwart that
potentially thrilling plotline, but also townsfolk uprisings, undead
undead-daughters and homicidal ancient vampire sex goddesses is completely
beyond me. Despite all of season seven's wild ideas, has anything really panned
out? The first few times True Bloodbuilt up a big bad only to
dispense with them without much fanfare felt like clever little twist. But once
it became de rigueur for this show, it just got lazy.
Before we head into next week's
series finale, let's discuss what little did happen in tonight's episode.
All our friends are in the basement
of Fangtasia, and Bill (Stephen Moyer) is still standing firm on his decision
not to take the cure. Everyone is like Dude. Take the cure. But Bill is
unmoved. Sookie (Anna Paquin) tries to slap some sense into him, but it’s no
good. Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) attempts reasoning with him. No dice. And so
Jessica demands Bill release her as her maker, which seems unnecessary since
he’s going to be dead soon anyway. But sure. Point taken.
With her newfound independence, she
marches right on over to the home of Hoyt (Jim Parrack). His current gf,
Brigette (Ashley Hinshaw) isn’t too thrilled to see her, but then, again, who
cares? Like, who even are you, Brigette? It is the second to last episode of
the series and we have spent more time with you than we have with Sam Merlotte
(Sam Trammell) this season. (More on that in a bit.) Anyway, Brigette issues
Hoyt an ultimatum: He can go out and hear Jessica’s sob story and end their
relationship for good, or … you know what? Does the second option even matter?
He chooses Jess. She tells him the story of their love and how she needed time
to explore her own dark side.
In the midst of their heart-to-heart,
Jason (Ryan Kwanten) arrives. It takes all of about three seconds before Hoyt
knocks him out. Jess and Hoyt go inside, where she heals his wounded hand and
tells him that she’s had time to figure out who she is. Then they make the
sweet, sweet love they were meant to have. Hooray!
Meanwhile, Brigette (ugh, her again)
has whisked away an unconscious Jason Stackhouse in his squad car. When he
wakes, he instructs her to take him back to his place, but he will NOT have sex
with her. She does’t understand why he thinks she would want to (which is
insane; I mean, just look at him). When they arrive at his apartment, he helps
her switch her flight by charming the ticket agent on the phone. He decides to
bring up how just crazy-in-love Hoyt, Brigette’s ex-boyfriend as of about five
minutes ago, is meant to be with Jessica. Brigette responds by inviting Jason
to bed with her. Just hold on! It’s not what you think! They’re just going to
lay on opposite sides of the bed and giggle and tell each other secrets. It’s
her way of teaching Jason Stackhouse how not to have sex with people, which
should be a crime.
So, Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam. Sam left Bon
Temps. The letter he left for Sookie basically just said “Yup, I’m leaving. I
love Nicole (Jurnee Smollett-Bell). I want to see my baby born.” I mean, yeah,
the reasoning is sound enough, but I think we could have figured it out with
the letter reading scene. That’s it. That’s the whole Sam story for the night.
Bye, Sam! Even though you've been here since the first season, we need more
time for Brigette.
After the whole death wish thing,
Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) visits Bill to have something of an intervention.
But Bill actually has a pretty good reason for wanting to succumb to the Hep-V.
He recently had a fever dream in which Sookie had given birth to a black void.
To death. It made Bill realize that death is all he has to offer her, and, no
matter how much terrible stuff he puts Sookie through, she’ll always come back,
as long as he should live. So that’s why he doesn’t want to live anymore. He
asks Eric to tell Sookie he wants to talk, and Eric escorts Sookie home to meet
him.
With Sookie safely dropped off at
home, Eric heads back to Fangtasia. First things first, he grants Ginger (Tara
Buck) her dream and agrees to bang her. The whole ordeal lasts minutes (if
that), before she’s overcome with joy and pleasure. He heads downstairs to find
the Yakuza holding Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) hostage under some sort of
stake/pendulum Bond-villain contraption. Mr. Gus (Will Yun Lee) wants to know:
Does Sookie know about the cure? He gets Eric to spill the truth, before Mr.
Gus asks a follow-up: “Where does Sookie live?”
That doesn’t exactly seem like a
positive turn for the series finale. Will the Yakuza come in and just murder
Sookie and Bill and maybe even Brigette?
What are your finale predictions?
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