A community, in the truest sense of the word, is a group of people living in
the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. Usually when we
say that we are a community, it is because we've found common ground. But most important
part of this is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together.
So often when we choose a community, we try to fit others into our
predetermined ideal. When they don't fit perfectly, we may try to make them
over, creating our own vision from the raw material they've brought. But unless
someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a group and hoping to
change others is dishonest. I get that we can feel disappointed when others
aren’t what we feel we need, but an honest community is one in which we accept
each other as whole individuals and find a way to share our life experiences
together.
By wanting to give others a makeover, we are basically saying we don't accept
them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we
can get a sense of how it would feel if others were only committed to us
because they thought we were, or would become. In such an environment, we are
not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from
being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that others can offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our community, the only makeover that we
truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our queer brothers
and sisters for exactly who they are--the ideal and the not-so-ideal--we will
create an energetic shift in our relationships and we may find ourselves really
appreciating our communities for the first time. Working from within, we
determine how we relate to the people and the world around us and when we can
accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating
a positive one.
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