I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Tuesday, August 23, 2022


 With so much human interaction taking place over digital means of communication, and so much of that communication being text based, being able to read context cues into what people are writing to you is more important than ever before.

Whether it’s an email from your boss, a text from a friend, or a DM from a social media mutual, being able to read between the lines and see what people mean or what they’re feeling when they send these messages can go a long way.

One aspect of life where it’s particularly useful is your love life. As attraction and romantic feelings can often feel overwhelming and daunting, people often don’t come out and say exactly how they feel for fear of rejection.

This means that most of the time, especially for those less romantically experienced, conversations with someone you have feelings for can be a strange dance around the actual subject at hand. Those conversing are willing to say everything and anything but what they actually want to say: I like you.

In order to help you better gauge when this strange dance is occurring, AskMen spoke to four different dating experts to help uncover what flirting really is, some tell-tale signs of flirtation, and things you shouldn’t mistake for the real deal.

Signs That Someone Is Flirting With You

It’s hard to be 100% sure if someone is flirting with you, so the surest sign is really if they explicitly tell you so.

However, because the whole point of flirting is expressing interest and attraction without saying so in clear terms, most flirters are unlikely to do this. While asking someone outright could garner a direct response, it could also throw the other person off and ruin what they thought was some fun banter by demanding explanations.

In either case, you might not be able to work out the courage to ask, but there are still ways to tell if you’re being flirted with with at least some degree of confidence. Here are five classic signs that your crush is, indeed, flirting with you, in no particular order:

Asking Questions

Asking questions is a common indicator of interest that can play a part in flirtation. Wanting to know things about you — what you think, how you feel, what you’re up to — is the kind of thing that occurs to people with crushes.

“Giveaways include asking you a lot of questions, especially about your plans for the upcoming weekend,” says Barrett, while Sofiya Alexandra, co-host and co-founder of the Private Parts Unknown podcast, adds that replying to your texts right away with follow-up questions is another tell.

This could be particularly salient if your crush is a guy, since men are often expected to brag and talk about themselves rather than ask questions and listen.

Giving Compliments

As flirting occurs when someone is attracted to you, it often lines up with the giving of compliments.

If they’re “complimenting your appearance or traits that they like,” as Barrett puts it, or giving you “excessive compliments,” as Courtney Kocak, Alexandra’s co-founder and co-host, does, that’s a “good clue that someone’s flirting with you,” she says.

Even just paying “attention to your body/physicality, like noticing [...] outfits, makeup, or hair style changes is also a solid hint,” says Alexandra. It shows they care about how you look, even if they’re being more teasing than outright complimentary.

Teasing or Playfulness

Which leads to our next point, as teasing and playfulness are both key components of flirting.

“I love to tease when I’m flirting, so if someone is gently making fun of you, they might be into you,” says Kocak,” while Alexandra noted that if someone gives you “a cute nickname,” that could also definitely be flirtatious.

In addition to nicknames, Kocak notes that “texting so much that you have ongoing jokes or you’re building on a funny scenario together is another indication that you might be involved in a mutual crush.”

Sending Emojis & Voice Notes

Emojis and voice notes may not seem like they have a ton in common, but they’re linked by one common thread: They’re ways for people to express what they’re saying with a little more emotional context than just text. They elevate a conversation from just reading words to getting a clearer sense of what the other person is feeling.

Barrett mentions “the winky emoji or the heart-eye emoji or the kissy-face emoji,” while GlittersaurusRex notes that if the flirtation is a bit more sexual, you might see “the more flirtatious emojis — the tongue or lips.”

“Voice notes,” for their part, she adds, “are usually a great way to both lead the conversation more towards flirting or are things that are typically indicators of initiating flirtation.”

A full-on phone call might seem old-fashioned or daunting, but voice notes mean you can hear the other person’s voice, and possibly the excitement in it.

High Frequency

One indicator that someone might be flirting with you, absent whatever the content of what they’re saying is, is how often they message you and how quickly they text back.

If they’re “texting seemingly out-of-the-blue to ask things like, ‘What are you doing?’ or ‘How’s your day?’,” says Barrett, or “if you’re getting daily ‘good morning, hope you have a great day’ texts,” notes Alexandra, “that’s a serious clue that you’re on someone’s mind constantly.”

If the other person is leaving you hanging for hours or days at a time, they’re probably not highly motivated to talk, but replying to your messages immediately suggests they’re excited and engaged in the conversation.


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