HOW TO MAKE GAY SEX MEAN SOMETHING, AGAIN

It’s easy get caught up in the sex scene, honey. I remember when I first downloaded Grindr—I was hooked on my phone for months. I’m not gonna have a high brow… I was addicted to it. But there comes a time when we all have to know when to log off permanently.

Sex can easily become routine when you’re a single gay dude trying to mingle. We get so used to having it whenever we want that we slowly lose sight of what it means. We forget what connection is like.

If you want to make sex mean something again, the first thing you need to do is to stop treating it like online shopping. That’s right—delete Grindr, delete Tinder, delete Scruff, and only search Craigslist when you’re looking for used furniture.

Get back to basics.

Remember what sex was like when we were young teenage virgins? There was something mysterious about it—sometimes scary. As someone who grew up in the church, I remember fantasizing about naked bodies (including mine) rubbing, humping, and sliding down another man’s. Christian guilt followed afterwards of course, but the fantasy was real.

Try and tap into what sex used to be in your head when you were a virgin.

I’ve always believed that sex is a reaction—an effect. In other words, something needs to happen before: a feeling, a moment, a connection etc. Too often gay guys think sex should happen first before anything else.

Sex needs to be a response of the mind, not the body.

Brain sex has always been the best kind of sex, especially when you love a smart ass man (like I do). A great body is good too, don’t get me wrong, but you see great bodies on porn all the time. This has convinced us that only people with six packs and “dumb jock” type of personalities deserve our penis. They don’t.

Get to know a man’s name before you check out his body. It’s hard I know (we can’t help it). Guys are visual creatures and we’ve learned not to make it so obvious when we’re undressing people with our eyes, but when you’re gay and attracted to men (who are also attracted to men), there seems to be no use pretending.

In our culture, sex is connected to everything we do. It bleeds into how we treat each other, how we perceive ourselves, sometimes even what we offer to the world. The minute we unplug our habit of sex association is the moment we’ll start seeing souls rather than penis sizes.

Men are always going to be thinking of sex—that’s just how we’re made. But in this day and age it’s easy to desensitize yourself. At the end of the day it all has to do with habit. We can change our habits when we change our routine. It’s not rocket science.

Becoming desensitized with sex has nothing to do with promiscuity and everything to do with where we’ve placed our emotions. Some guys can have all the sex they want and still leave a bit of room in their hearts for that special someone when they come along—other man might not have that luxury. If you’re someone who finds it difficult to separate the two, perhaps it might be time to start from scratch.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS