Hey it’s not up to us to tell
you not to have a one night stand or engage in random sex in a saunas but only
12% said they prefer sex with men they don’t know. This suggests that for most
men knowing their sexual partner is a plus.
What do you define ‘knowing’ as?
It probably means someone whose name you know, where you have the oppertunity
to learn a little bit about them and get a sense of who they are etc.
Emmett told us; “I once arranged
a hook-up with a guy on Grindr. I had no intention to get to know him. I just
wanted my dick sucked. He made it clear that we should at least have a coffee
beforehand. That coffee turned into a proper date and two years later we got
married. Spending a little time to get to know my shag was the best thing I did.”
77% agreed with the statement
that sex is better if you have an emotional connection with the person. But
how? How do you build up an emotional connection with a one night stand? The
fact is you don’t. Getting to know someone will lead to a connection and a
connection may lead to better sex.
Jamie told us: “I used to use
sex to fill a void in my life. I was longing for a connection with someone. It
wasn’t until I stood back and stopped having sex on a first date that I noticed
things started to change. I started to meet different men, men who wanted to
get to know me. I’m still single but I don’t use sex any more. Now if I have
sex it’s with someone I’m dating and not a one night stand.”
Knowing what turns a person on
and off can help in bettering your sex life.
Be clear what it is you are
into.
Don’t be afraid to tell someone
if they are not doing something right.
If you are doing something and
it doesn’t feel right then stop. Sex is supposed to be fun. If it’s not fun
you’re doing it wrong.
Listen to your partner. Groans
and moans are key to knowing wheather someone is enjoying themseves. If he’s
lying there like a lifeless sex doll then the chances are he’s not into it.
“Do you like it when I do this?”
“Do you want me to do this?”
“What do you want me to do?”
Asking question during sex can
only help. Thinking you know what someone likes and doesn’t like based on
sounds alone will not help. Asking questions also shows that you are sexually
confident and in control. Another study showed people said that a sexually
confident person is a major turn on.
Did you know that 6% of the men
who took our survey said that they don’t do anal sex. Yes... many gay men like
anal sex. But many feel pressured into having anal sex because ‘it’s the thing
gay men do’.
Jake told us; “I’m not a big fan
of anal sex. It’s painful and I rarely enjoy it. I need to have a few drinks or
use poppers to be able to do it. I’d prefer not to do it but as a gay man you
are expected to either top or bottom.”
Having anal sex is really up to
you. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it. There are lots of gay men
out there who feel exactly the same as you. Finding someone who is sexually
compatable with you will help you to have a better sexual experience.
76% of men disagree that
‘condoms don’t matter any more’. Only 9% think that condom use doesn’t matter
any more.
Here’s a quote given to us via
our survey: “If you are a keen Grindr user you’d be forgiven for thinking that
condoms are no big deal these days. I used to think no-one uses condoms any
more. It wasn’t till I had an open discussion with my mates that I found most
of them use condoms all the time. So it encouraged me to demand condom use from
my hook-ups. It empowered me and I became more sexually confident. If someone
said no it was bye bye. I started to enjoy the sex more and I don’t have to
worry about HIV and STIs as much.”
Using condoms while having sex
is still one of the best ways to avoid picking up any STIs, becoming
HIV-positive or passing on HIV. Make sure you use plenty of water-based lube
too. Stay away from Vaseline and baby oil – they will make the condom rip.
Assuming someone is HIV-negative
is a dangerous strategy.
In 2013, over 3,250 gay men were
diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK.
About 80% of new HIV infections
come from having sex with men who don’t know they have HIV.
About 16% of gay men who are
HIV-positive don’t know they have it.
35% of the men who took our
survey said they worry about HIV while having sex.
Someone may tell you they are
HIV-negative, and they may think they are, but most new cases of HIV come from
having risky sex with someone who doesn’t know they have the virus.
Every sexually active gay man
should get tested for HIV and STIs every six months to a year. If you are not
using condoms then you should be testing more.
Getting regular check ups at
your GUM clinic will put your mind at ease and if you do pick up an STI you can
get it treated.
It takes roughly ten days for an STI to
show up in tests. HIV can take four weeks.
Amazing Advise
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