THE EX-FACTOR...

 7 REASONS WHY EXES MUST STAY THAT WAY...

1. You’ve seen each other naked

Although it may be possible to have an occasional romp with a friend, it can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it’s difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone and knowing every corner of their body. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of his natural funk or cologne, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to.

And as thick-skinned as you are, it’s hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other’s skin and sharing moments that led to leg soreness and toe cramps the next day.

2. You can’t confide in each other

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in each other. How do you tell your ex that you had the best sex of your life last night or you and your new boyfriend are going away for the weekend? You can’t even tell your ex that the reason you’re smiling so much is because another man has brought joy to your life that you have never felt before.

You can tell him some of these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It’s even harder to tell him how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

3. There will always be one-sided bitterness

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, he’s most likely not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential man are always being sabotaged or said to not be a good idea, they just might not have any interest in your moving on.

4. Jealousy comes into play

And where there’s bitterness, there’s always a rocking cradle for extreme jealousy. And the truth of the matter is that it’s hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when he’s just found the new love of his life.

5. You don’t want them with anyone else

It is human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

6.  Passion still exists

Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden and makes “What’s Love Got To Do With It” look like Mike and Carol Brady’s relationship, chances are that there is still some mental and physical passion there.  Men are sexual creatures for the most part and some level of attraction will still exist (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new “friendship” premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you’ll end up in “one more” night of unbridled “goodbye” sex, for old times’ sake. This brings you right back to square one — how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.

7. Moving On

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don’t want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it’s easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It’s almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it’s impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, you’re better to leave the friendship, along with the memories, behind.

SOURCE: LOVE WORKS WITH JUAN & GEE