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Thursday, May 22, 2014

¿ARE THE TOP/BOTTOM ROLES KEEPING US FROM EXPERIENCING REAL LOVE?

I always wonder why many of us let sexual roles define who we are and even our relationships. Sex is important; I get it, but is it that important that we let each other’s sexual role determine whether or not we should even begin to establish a relationship in the first place?  We've all been asked and have asked the question “Are you a top or bottom?”  I’ll admit that this question is pretty necessary when hooking up with someone for casual sex or a one night stand, because after all we do have our PREFERENCES, and when we are looking for a hookup, we know what we want.  However, should this even be a question, or better yet, a determining factor when pursuing a serious relationship with someone?  Let’s not even get into the fact that the question is always posed (if even in your head), which one is doing the fucking when seeing a couple together.  Are we not more than our “role” in the bedroom?

When you are in a relationship why even get into sexual roles?  Lovemaking with your other half should be about enjoying each other’s body from head to toe, not who is sticking who. I know you will go back to your “preferences” but should that make or break your relationship?  We all have the same body parts and are physically able to experience the same amount of pleasure as the next man. Your penis and anus works just like his. The only differences are the thoughts we put behind doing these acts. We are GAY men and a part of that is being fortunate enough to experience many more dynamics of sex than our heterosexual counterparts. Why limit yourself to what you have mentally decided is your role?

For example: Many strict tops can’t allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to submit and “receive” their partner physically.  There are so many stigma’s surrounding being penetrated that sometimes we allow that to get in our heads and ruin what could be an incredible experience. All the tension and resistance a top’s body feels when attempting to be penetrated originates from their head, not their ass. You will still be a man when it’s all said and done with, so why not just let go and enjoy each other’s entire body, not just what you perceive to be your roles.  In fact, I’d venture to say it takes more of a man to receive than it does to give.  Anyone can stick their dick in a hole, but to be able to completely submit yourself to the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE and walk away knowing you are still a man says a lot about your level of security with your masculinity.

This does not only apply to strict tops but strict bottoms as well.  Their dick works just like everyone else’s. The only difference is, again, what they are experiencing mentally. I’ve heard many men who are bottoms, say that it turns them off for their man to want to be penetrated. Why? He’s gay. Could it be these bottoms have fantasies of being with a straight man?  Will they not see him as masculine anymore? Is it a fear of them not being “masculine” or dominant enough to get on top of a man?  If we would all just let go and just BE, we can all reach another level of sexual pleasure.  Get out of your head and your comfort zone, and enjoy each other to your full potential.


Now I’m not saying that strict TOP/BOTTOM roles in relationships cannot work, because they do all the time.  But what I am saying is if you meet someone that does not fit into your strict sexual roles, is it really a good reason to abandon the potential of what could be something amazing? Let’s also not forget that we are human and with that comes change. Our desires change and yes that can include sex. So what if your partner of 3 years decides that he no longer just wants to be limited to being penetrated or doing the penetrating. What then?  I say let go of your fears (let’s call it like it is) and experience LOVE to its full capacity. You may be surprised at the results. 

10 comments:

  1. I've topped and I've bottomed! I see not great stigma in being both! Perhaps even more fun! Hugs, Patrick

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  2. Great post, my friend! Nice job! Too many are merely stuck on being a label!

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    1. yeah we will move away from the labels ONE day

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  3. It's all good. Hi... how are you? I don't know what happened with your site, but used to click on it and was told it no longer existed. I just happened to click on your profile and found this link. I will update my blog with this new address. Glad you are still posting. - Uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

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  4. I could never be a true 50/50 versatile but I tend to be more a versatile in a relationship. As for casual sex during the period that I am single, I tend to stick to being a top but not because I don't want to be vulnerable but because I want to reserve being a bottom for the person I will be in a relationship with. Just a preference.

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    1. I get you, I can remember bottoming once because I want to get with this one guy SO bad, I did it just so I could in turn fuck him

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  5. Gay men I have learned are too self-centered to even care what the other wants. I think the sexual role should not be an issues but still has to be determined from the very start. Relationships are hard work and I have met many who choose not to put in the work to make it work. It's all about the nut! For me I admit I am a top & love the feeling but I do believe I have missed many a blessings. To address this issue I will compromise cause it's not all about me in the bed or in the relationship once I get in one. I am a good top but in order to be that good you one would have to know what it is to bttm which I was not always solely a top. These days I choose not to miss out on having a good man because I won't meet his sexual needs. So I ID as a top with a twist. (Versatile top) Now if I meet a bttm who is all bttm it's all good but if I meet a vers I am willing to conform to make him happy which will make me happy. If a total top shows interest in me I will not know what to know & really think attempting to build a relationship would be a waste of time & energy. This does not mean two tops can't have a pleasurable relationship but I fail to see the point when no penetration will occurs. To each their own but for that would not work. I keep my mind & eyes open so my next love does not pass me by. Always keep in the forefront of your mind "it's not all about you in the bed or the relationship"

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    1. I am SO happy to read this comment Craig

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