How many times have you found yourself in a situation—a friendship,
relationship, or dead-end job—that was no good for you? Did you stay?
Even with all the tell-tale signs?
Or did you let it go? Personally,
I can say yes to all of these things.
One of my experiences dealt with a past relationship. Looking back, I sometimes shudder thinking
about where I was. But in the same
token, I’m grateful because that experience was crucial to bringing me forward.
For two-and-a-half years, I was in a frenetic, whirlwind of a
relationship that took me on a journey from love and happiness to downright
hatred and shame. Like many
relationships, it started out lovely. We
seemed like we were on the same page. We
were both working to establish our careers and build a life together. I thought I’d finally found the one.
As the months went on, things started to shift. I couldn’t make a move without being
clocked. He was blowing up my phone
every waking minute we weren’t together.
Suddenly, he had a problem with my male friends. He told me he didn’t want me hanging out with
them anymore. Mind you, these are
friends I knew long before he came into my life. I was taken aback. Where was all this jealous, controlling and
possessive foolishness coming from? Did
I acknowledge it as that then?
Subconsciously, yes. Consciously,
I was somewhere else.
Any time I confronted him with an issue, he would flip the script
and make me out to be the bad guy.
Miraculously, he was the victim and I was out-of-my-mind crazy. In the heat of the moment, I was “ugly,”
“fat,” and ostensibly inadequate. But
all was good when I came to his rescue in times when his pleas for help were met
with deaf ears and blind eyes from everyone else. And we called this love? Funny, so funny…
When I shared some of the things that transpired with my closest
friends, they were saddened, angry, and upset.
They didn’t understand why I was I staying in a situation that was
causing me so much pain. They would
constantly tell me that I could do better and that I deserved so much more I
knew that. But I obviously didn’t
believe it. I couldn’t bring myself to
leave. I was too afraid. I lacked the courage.
Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. I guess I felt an obligation to be
there. I thought if I stayed, maybe he
would change. Maybe our situation would
improve. But as time went on, nothing
improved. Emotionally, my needs (still)
weren’t being met. As my self-esteem
degraded, I sank deeper and deeper into depression.
I woke up when I looked at myself and I no longer recognized who I
was and why I allowed myself to be in the mess we called a “relationship.” I realized that I’d lost myself. It’s amazing what some of us will do for
love. Or what some of us will do for
what we call “love.” At that very
moment, I knew that I had to move on. I
couldn’t play a role in exacerbating the pain, drama, and unhappiness any
longer. So we broke it off. Slowly but surely, I began to find my way
back to myself again.
Even in relationships, you have to look out for and honor
yourself. The longer you stay in any
unhappy or unhealthy situation (be it a friendship, relationship, job, etc.),
the more you deny your authentic self and your true feelings, needs, and
desires.
Open your eyes. Listen to
that inner voice. Take back your power
and free yourself. You’re worthy of so
much more.
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