In a bit of
Chekhov’s lipstick, the editors expertly included a brief scene a few weeks
back when the queens wondered aloud what would happen if there was a tie vote?
This week gave
us the (sort of disappointing) answer, but it was still a much-needed jolt of
excitement on an episode that was otherwise sorely lacking.
Let’s go back
to the start. A quick count of the lipsticks reveals a unanimous decision to
eliminate A’Keriah, and it gives Ra’Jah a bit of reassurances the other girls
still think she belongs. She feels even better when Jan (of course, it’s Jan)
points out that everyone but Pandora and Eureka have won a challenge.
Pandora’s
journey is front and center this episode. After a solid start to the Race,
the time has passed for Pandie to make an impression. Unfortunately, it’s not
going to be an easy week for her.
Ru’s task this
week is to split into two groups to perform original choreography and a rap
verse to “Show Up Queen,” the sonic equivalent of a crumpled up napkin Beyoncé
left at an actual Sonic drive-thru.
It’s an almost
comically unlistenable … song? … but what’s worse is that it comes with the
directive to infuse the song with “inspirational” lyrics.
The writing, recording and rehearsal process is snooze-worthy. Pandora predictably struggles with choreo, but Jan struggles with the content of her lyrics — a much bigger sin in Mama Ru’s eyes.
RuPaul’s Drag
Race All Stars: The Jan Problem
I guess it
bears a bit more elucidation on The Jan Problem, since her ongoing storyline
keeps circling around this inability to be authentic. The common retort is she
is just “authentically” like that, so everyone should stop expecting her to
suddenly change her personality to fit Ru’s moral code.
I get that.
Maybe authentic is the wrong word. However, there’s an ease the best performers
have that usually only comes from someone at their realest, purest, more
“authentic” self. Audiences want to relinquish control, and the best performers
can — with a joke or just a confident look — tell the audience, “I got you.”
Jan has the immense talent to do absolutely anything she sets her mind to. The
problem is you can always see her focus on the achievement, on the talent. It’s
difficult for the audience to relax into her performance.
That’s
certainly the problem in this number. Again, the song is … well, it’s no “Read U Wrote
U,” let’s say that. Jan starts the show with a verse about how she’s happy
and she knows it (*clap*clap*), and she does some vocal acrobatics that
is more impressive than it is nice sounding. I’m sure it is very physically
impressive to hit that note, and I am, without a doubt, certain she is
performing it flawlessly, but you cannot, in good faith, tell me it sounds
good. It doesn’t! Could there be a better representation of Jan’s Janness?
RuPaul’s Drag
Race All Stars: The Rest of the Field Verse Challenged
Pandora’s troubles follow her onto the mainstage as well. The content of her
verse is thin. She attempts to recapture the spastic magic of her week one
performance, but it feels out of place and wastes large swaths of Pandora’s
small slice of time in the spotlight.
Looking to
bounce back from last week’s bottom placement, Ra’Jah comes
fully correct with a well-worded, adequately inspirational verse delivered with
magnetic attitude. When Ra’Jah shines, she really sparkles, and it’s a blast
watching her.
That’s
certainly the problem in this number. Again, the song is … well, it’s no “Read U Wrote
U,” let’s say that. Jan starts the show with a verse about how she’s happy
and she knows it (*clap*clap*), and she does some vocal acrobatics that
is more impressive than it is nice sounding. I’m sure it is very physically
impressive to hit that note, and I am, without a doubt, certain she is
performing it flawlessly, but you cannot, in good faith, tell me it sounds
good. It doesn’t! Could there be a better representation of Jan’s Janness?
RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars: The Rest of the Field Verse Challenged
Pandora’s troubles follow her onto the mainstage as well. The content of her
verse is thin. She attempts to recapture the spastic magic of her week one
performance, but it feels out of place and wastes large swaths of Pandora’s
small slice of time in the spotlight.
Looking to
bounce back from last week’s bottom placement, Ra’Jah comes
fully correct with a well-worded, adequately inspirational verse delivered with
magnetic attitude. When Ra’Jah shines, she really sparkles, and it’s a blast
watching her.
After a few
early sleepy weeks, Kylie continues to rise. Out of all the
dolls, she’s the most likely to be the Ginger Spice here. By that I mean she
would unquestionably be the coolest, most popular and most adored by the gays.
Her outfit is three times better than the next best-dressed queen during the
performance. The hair, the boots, the skirt, everything. Her lyrics are fine,
but like Geri, who gives a zigazig-ah what she’s saying when she looks that
good!
RuPaul’s Drag
Race All Stars: Runway to Hot Tropics
Everyone turns
it out for a Hot Tropics themed runway, and the judges along with RuPaul gown
designer Zaldy, give mostly positive critiques across the board. Of course,
Trinity gets the win. I don’t think it even matters, but her runway is also
easily the best of the bunch, by far.
As
telegraphed, Pandora’s dancing and Jan’s intensity place them both in the
bottom. Ru says Jan’s performance lacked “soul,” which is up there with Scarlet’s “uncomfortable” savagery a couple weeks ago.
Deliberations
backstage are more of the same. “It’s not my time!” etc., etc. It all starts to
feel very rote.
Our lip sync
assassin this week is Alexis Mateo, and it’s to none other than Jennifer
freakin’ Lopez. Trinity and Alexis look ready to turn it up, but when they both
go into a little Salsa dancing, it’s clear Alexis has the edge.
Ru agrees.
Alexis pulls out Pandora’s lip stick, and it appears Jan lives to pep another
day.
Not so fast!
Alexis has a SECOND LIPSTICK. That’s right. A quick flashback reveals the vote
is split, it’s a tie. That’s three votes Jan, three votes Pan.
Ru announces
that All Stars rules dictate the decision now reverts to the
challenge winner, TKB. She picks Jan’s lipstick, ending the Jantasy once and
for all.
(Or not. Who
knows what this game within a game entails?)
RuPaul’s Drag
Race All Stars: Game Within A Game But Still Close To Midway
We’re close to
the midpoint now, so I imagine we’ll see what Ru’s grand twist will be after
next week’s Snatch Game. It’s a challenge that could really rearrange the
board. Based on previous Snatches, Ginger and Pandora come in with a lot of
pressure on their shoulders, while Kylie should be afraid, very afraid.
But let’s not
get ahead of ourselves. Here’s where we’re at for now:
1.
Any doubt has been erased, now that Trinity is
the first queen to snag two wins. She’s our clear frontrunner, and with good
reason. She stole the show in two big group numbers, won a comedic acting
challenge, and slays every runway. Her Carnival look was outstanding, but never
outshined the wearer. I’ll even forgive that wig slip during the lip sync, but
you only get this one, TKB.
2.
Ginger has got to be joining Trinity in the final four. The judges are
really nitpicking now, because Ginger is on point whenever she’s onstage. She
did look a fright during the challenge, but everyone looked kind of ridiculous.
It wasn’t a fashion challenge. How many pictures of the Pussycat Dolls are in
those listicles about terrible early-aughts fashion anyway?
3.
Eureka is almost so good, you forget. She’s so professional, so polished,
she always understands the assignment. You want inspiration? Bam. Big, broad
comedy? You got it. Rhinestone the house down boots eleganza? Mama, you know
she got it. She even packed a reveal and stunts into like 15 seconds of
spotlight. Of everyone here, Eureka needs this win the least. She’s got a great
gig with We’re Here, and she’s got the goods to book ballrooms for
years to come. All Stars is ultimately a show about
redemption, not supremacy. It’s an opportunity for viewers to see a wrong
righted. Karmic justice and success seem to have found Eureka already, and
maybe that’s what makes her harder to root for. Still, take nothing away from
the Elephant Queen. Barring a major mishap, I still think she’s a lock for the
finals.
4.
This is where things get interesting. While
the top three feel fairly certain at this point, the fourth position is a
neck-and-neck race between Ra’Jah and Kylie.
Ra’jah came out of the gate more strongly and has maintained a much more steady
presence with commentary. On looks, both queens turn it out on every runway,
but Ra’jah’s personality pops a bit more (at least in the edit we get to see).
Snatch Game is going to be very important for Ra’Jah and Kylie. This week, I
thought Ra’jah could’ve been worthy of the win. She was an absolute vision on
the runway.
5.
I did not expect Kylie to
blossom the way she has these last few weeks. Last week’s win felt a little
odd, considering how heavy a hand the directors had, but some acknowledgement
for Kylie was feeling overdue. I thought her Steven Tyler was woefully
overlooked, and, while I’m not typically a fan of so much body-ody-ody all the
time, she always brings a little high-fashion point of view to even her
skimpiest of attires. I’m not sold on the idea of Kylie taking the crown, but I
certainly wouldn’t be surprised to see her secure a spot in the finals.
6.
It’s very possible for Pandora to
bounce back in a big way with Snatch Game. The question is whether she can
shake the hit to her confidence this week. Pandora reacted in the worst way
possible when confronting a task you truly dread: She leaned all the way in and
suffered through the whole thing. And it showed. If you watch Pandora’s face
during the actual number, she looks like a kidnap victim. It was all over her
face. Even when she walked the runway in that (admittedly gorge) vintage jetset
getup, it felt like she was fighting back tears. Luckily, Snatch is in her
wheelhouse. I just hope she doesn’t go back to the Carol Channing well again.
7.
I really think tonight’s runway is my
favorite Jan has ever, EVER looked on Drag Race. I
usually find her outfits to feel very “trying to be editorial,” but there was
something lovingly cheap and trashy about the Jersey Shore drag she wore. It
was fun! There was an ease to it! From the minute Jan started rapping, I knew
it was curtains for her. The lyrics were the opposite of inspirational. They
made me want to never leave the house again. It was just so clearly far from
not only what the judges were looking for this week, but also what they have
been asking specifically from her this whole time. It’s a blindspot, for sure.
Still, there is no denying Jan’s ability, her dedication and her pep-pep-pep.
She may not be right to win a popular TV competition with a very vocal fanbase,
but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the chops that even an anti-pep
curmudgeon like me can appreciate.
How would you
rank the queens?
SOURCE: TOWLEROAD
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