When they graduate
from “blah blah” they will have the time and resources to invest in our
relationship. When they achieve “this” and “that” they will be able to settle
into their sense of self and be present for you. When they go to their therapist and realize that part of their past, they
will acknowledge how patient I have been. When they do “X,” “Y,” and “Z,” then
I will be able to have the relationship I am desiring from them. And on, and
on, and on, and on.
Dating someone base on where you anticipate them to be emotionally, socially, economically, physically,
or psychologically, two years, five years, or even a decade from now is invalidating
your present moment experience that is saying that something right now is not
working.
If you find
yourself in a place of making up excuses or narratives around the growth or
development your partner is needing to make for you to feel secure, sure, or
stable in the relationship, then you are settling. You are ignoring your
present moment experience and instead choosing to live in the realm of fantasy
where you have created a fictional version of the person you are fondling at
night. No judgement. I have done it. I have done it many times.
No comments:
Post a Comment