15 THINGS ALL GAY GUYS SHOULD STOP DOING TO THEMSELVES

No one is a saint. I can vouch for that. But the world as a whole is slowly accepting that gay people are, in fact, alive, well, and becoming less afraid to show their true colors. With that comes a greater responsibility. Too often gay guys are becoming their own worst enemy, turning social perception into social habit. We have the power to change our own lives, and if you ask me, we can start by not doing the following:

#1) Thinking that porn is real life. A problem is always going to occur when we try and emulate our favorite porn stars. You start to judge behaviors in the bedroom a little bit more, but more dangerously, you begin to judge society in an equally as intense way. Gay porn fills creates a prototype of male beauty and convinces us that we need to look, act, and have sex like just like them. In some ways it can be a good thing, but in my opinion, it’s done more to increase body image issues than anything else.

#2) Thinking being “single” and “married” are the only choices. So many gay guys nowadays jump the gun. They’re desperate to live the lives of our favorite gay couples, i.e. Neil and David, Elton and David, Tom and Dustin, but rarely do they stop and think about the journey it takes to find a compatible person. Hardly anyone says: “I want to date!” but rather “I LOVE being single!” or “I want a boyfriend!” As soon as they find a man they like, they’re eager to commit. Trust me, you don’t want to rush these kinds of things. Don’t be scared to date; it’s the time you get to filter out the good eggs from the bad ones. It’ll save you a lot of heartache down the road.

#3) Being terrified of the word “feminine.” Everyone is dodging stereotypes. So much so, that the words “feminine” and “queen” are being used as weapons to rip ourselves a part. You have so much to offer the world. When “masculine” and “feminine” turn into an identity, it’s time to start thinking about where your head is truly at. Chances are, you’re depending too much on what everyone else thinks about you rather than what you think of you. 

#4) Using sarcasm, sassiness, or bitchiness as a tool to make people think you’re confident. So many people use their attitude as a defense mechanism. No matter how you word it, turning the treatment of others into a mental form of therapy is selfish (and it’s always going to come back to bite you in the ass). Your legacy in life is always about how you make people feel. You want people to remember you? Try making them feel like what they’re saying is valid, what they feel is worthy of your attention, and what you’re saying is somehow helping them feel appreciated.

#5) Using Grindr as a Facebook replacement. I don’t have anything wrong with Grindr, but let’s face it, in no way is it a social media platform. Facebook keeps you connected to your friends in a more positive way (most of the time), but Grindr has a different purpose. If it replaces Facebook, you’re eventually going to rely on messages, shirtless pics, and “starred profiles” to define your worth. Use it responsibly, and make sure to keep emotions out of the equation.

#6) Hating gay people. Gay people aren’t the reason why you might have internalized homophobia. Hating someone over something they themselves had no personal responsibility for is a defense mechanism. Instead of using them as a punching bag, try and figure out the source of your pain. Once you do that, you’ll be able to release it and never think about it again (but only if you do the work). Your life will be much more happier. I promise you.

#7) Doing whatever other gay guys tell you to do. We have a knack of comparing ourselves to other gay people’s lives. As soon as we do, we begin to listen, observe, and even emulate our friends who “seemingly” have better lives than we do. Trust me, we ALL HAVE OUR OWN TRAJECTORIES in life. Just because your best friend likes to have casual sex, doesn’t mean you have to. Just because your friends picks on you because of your weight doesn’t mean you have to develop an eating your disorder (your friend might just be an asshole). Don’t let people affect how you think of yourself. You’re the one living inside your head.

#8) Becoming overly sensitive when it comes to gay stereotypes or misconceptions. I understand if you get ticked off over some idiot’s preconceived notions about gay people, but you’re never going to get through if you lose your temper, especially if it’s about the tiniest of things. Pick your fights.

#9) Being scared of sex. Sex, the human body, and everything related to them are beautiful things. So many people are scared to take their shirts off at the beach, scared to have sex after the third, fourth, even fifth date, petrified of STDs, and paranoid of what other people might think when they ask for sex advice. While I understand that insecurities are all individual, never should you let it get in the way of genuinely connecting with either your partner or man you’re dating. When someone thinks you’re sexy, it’s the greatest feeling. Why would let your personal feelings take that away?

 #10) Being paranoid about what people think when you’re holding hands with your partner. It can be uncomfortable holding hands with your lover in a public setting, especially if you’re living in a small town. But be careful. You don’t want your partner to get the wrong idea. Sure your community might not understand, but scientific studies have shown the power of public displays of affection. It increases your bond. It’s a statement to the world that you’re taken, you’re in love, and you’re someone of value. Stop denying yourselves the opportunity. You’ll only deprive yourself of something special.

#11) Dating someone for the wrong reasons.Someone’s job, looks, connections, or bank account has nothing to do with his character. These are all external things that might be alluring at first, but will never fully sustain a relationship. To make it last the long haul, you need the real thing – a soul to soul connection.

#12) Thinking that “going with the flow” will make your life easier. Sometimes it’s easy to skip through life and allow things to fall in place, but trust me, success doesn’t come from energetic vibes. It arrives by work and attempting to find whatever it is you seek. You cannot say, “I’m ready for love” and refuse to put yourself out there. You cannot say, “I need to stop letting them get to me” and continue answering their phone calls. Take initiative. This is your life.

#13) Thinking good sex is the only thing you need to keep a solid connection. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong. But a relationship that is built solely on great sex is only going to end when the sex turns bad. A relationship built on genuine affection will last so long as your hearts are still in it. Not to mention, the sex is much much better.

#14) Judging other people’s identity. It never ceases to amaze me how many gay guys judge bisexuals, trans men and women, and all other forms of identity. You are not in their heads so you have no idea what their experience has been. This kind of mindset is the very thing that creates prejudice and injustice. Learning to accept people by embracing them for how they see themselves is the definition of tolerance, and we’re always in need of a reminder.

#15) Questioning your own potential. You are not someone’s “gay brother,” “gay friend” or “gay roommate.” Though hearing the word before a title might give someone courage, you, as an individual, must see that you’re more than an orientation. Your life has value, your dreams are valid, and you deserve everything your heart desires because you are part of this world. You are a human being, completely separate from a term. Know that your potential in life has nothing do with you being gay. You create the rules yourself.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS