I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, October 20, 2014


Black gay men have a multitude of everyday problems to deal with, but no task seems as daunting as finding a suitable partner. We’re such a varied group of people; however, as humans we all want the same thing: companionship. But, how does one even begin to tread through the murky waters of dating in the black gay community?

Earlier this year, MUSED touched upon the issue of black gay relationships, specifically addressing why black gay men aren’t able to sustain viable companionships. That article made me think that there could possibly be something wrong with our preliminary approach to dating.

Think about all of the obstacles we have to go through just to find out if a guy is even gay.  Majority of the time our means to go about “definitively” saying someone is gay aren’t really effective. For instance, there is the whole eye-fucking thing. You basically make eye contact with a guy you find interesting in hopes that he’ll just get that you think he’s attractive. I get why we do it, but I wish we didn’t have to.  Additionally, I feel a lot of gay men are discreet. In my opinion the need to be reserved sometimes borders on gay men not being completely comfortable with themselves, which makes it even harder for those of us that are peachy keen with every part of our being.  I am a firm believer in directly asking people out because beating around the bush is so old.

In addition to the staring contests, we do engage with one another on social media sites. Who doesn’t have a Jack’d, Grindr, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or an OKCupid account? Although I can only speak from my personal experience on this, messages like “What’s up”, “Hi” and even “Wyd” rarely lead to anything special. In some ways, I feel like a lot of us don’t want to be hurt so we don’t try as much when it comes to getting to know someone.  That’s completely understandable, but if you’re on one of those sites why aren’t you being a little more aggressive when it comes to dating? As for myself, I always put myself out there completely. There are so many things to be closed off to in this world and love should not be one of them.

Could it be that the reason behind black gay relationships aren’t flourishing be attributed to fact that we simply do not know how to date?  Yes, there are successful black men who are queer, who have families and are excelling in life, but this seems to be the exception, not the rule.

So how do we remedy this issue? What is the ideal way for a guy who’s interesting in dating you to come correct? Sound off!



  1. We don't know how to date! We know how to hook up and think that's the way to a relationship, then 3 months later we're kicking his AZZ out of our place, because we don't know who we have been living with and fcuking for the past few months.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...