I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, December 16, 2020


Yes, you read the headline correctly. Here we are, on a gay website, reading about why you shouldn’t necessarily sleep with someone on the first date. You haven’t accidentally stumbled onto the wrong website. I’m a gay man, presenting other gay men with the option to not have sex on the first date.

This is a topic that’s not really discussed in our circles that often. Heck for most of us it isn’t even a discussion. It’s just assumed that we will want to have sex on the first date, and, therefore, that they should.

And this is a somewhat reasonable assumption, after all don’t we have to prove our sex-worthiness? But just because it’s exciting to have sex on the first date, and just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should, right?

This isn’t a moral judgement. I don’t think there’s anything immoral about sex so long as both parties have consented, and neither has been deceptive about their ultimate intentions. You are, by the way, an asshole if you tell a guy that you’re looking to settle down, when you’re only looking to get those undies.

There are exceptions, of course, but sex on a first date is usually not great. There are a few things at play here. Probably, you've been drinking, which can affect performance in a number of ways. Likely, neither of the participants knows each other well. That means you don't know what the other person likes in bed, they don't know what you like, and since you probably just met, neither of you has much of a reason to care. If things go badly, it's not the end of the world, right?

I'm not saying you can't have hot, consensual sex on a first date. Far from it — I have on a number of occasions, and more than one of those hookups went on to turn into an actual something. But I am saying that on a first date, the smart rule of thumb is to stop before going all the way. Not because you'll definitely do anything bad, but because, over a long enough time-frame, the guy who doesn't have sex on the first date will have a lot cleaner of a conscience than the guy who does.


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