I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, January 15, 2014


“No Blacks and no Asians please”. Let me ask you, where have we gone to read such an offensive statement? Are we standing in front of a door sign outside a bed and breakfast or restaurant in the 1950s? Nope, it’s just a typical comment you can see after a quick trawl through the profiles of guys on several of our most popular gay dating platforms. Yes, welcome to sexual racism in the social networking era. Racism and homophobia are two forms of prejudice that have been around since the start of modern civilisation, but these days they show up online with far greater prominence than you would expect to find in your average street.
What does it tells us about our online gay culture if most of us instantly recognise the familiarity of the “no Blacks, no Asians” comment? Of course, everyone is entitled to their own sexual preferences. I however, believe that sexual racism is wrong because it promotes the idea that ‘casual’ racism is acceptable. By writing “no Blacks, no Asians” on a profile, a person is basically announcing that they believe these two racial groups of people should be avoided sexually. It is their personal opinion, but when displayed in a public setting it constitutes prejudice, regardless of the context. Society has taken the view that displaying prejudice is wrong. However, the minute we start to compromise with ‘acceptable’ and ‘unacceptable’ discrimination, the journey to a fully equal society travels in a skewed direction. Rejection is always a difficult thing to deal with, regardless of whether it is racially based or because you are 5ft 7.

Rejection is always worse when you are not expecting it, and people can react to sexual racism in various different ways. Ten years ago it would have made me angry and I would have instantly questioned how the rest of the world was viewing me, but these days, I really don’t give a damn about the thoughts of people who are clearly incapable of at displaying common decency. In my young ‘gay days’ I didn’t attempt to ‘fit in’ with the majority and I am not going to start now.

I think we have a long way to go as a community in terms of integrating and embracing diversity…If we really want to be diverse we need to stop pigeonholing ourselves and clinging to an overarching identity, instead should look at diversifying ourselves. Racism and sexual racism will always be ugly scars in our society, but you cannot ignore the continued trend towards embracing racial diversity. Is the average gay man really any different from the rest of society? Will the LGBT community buck the trend towards greater racial integration? 


  1.'s been that way in Richmond VA since the & AOL chat room days.

    They used to put in their profiles... 'I'm attracted to anyone but black men." but a lot of guys have been getting a lot of flack behind their profiles, so they will put this...

    "I'm only interested in (listing every race but black) guys."

    It's more disheartening when you see that the owner of the profile...well...he's also black.

    Here in Richmond, any guy with straight hair is totally acceptable to most men around here. Seems like only power bottoms want hung black tops (of course for only one thing). But guys around here act like that's all a black guy is good for...a big dick.

    I'm so over it. I'm sticking with the few men around here who makes color no issue for them. Very small percentage though.

  2. I would not care what colour or age the man was, if he was ready to have sex with me then he is welcome! But then I'm "OLD" - 80 this year! Who wants to have sex with an old, white man???? Hugs, Patrick PS. This old, white man also has a hot, gay blog!!!!!

    1. I am sure anyone that has sex with you won't be able to keep up

  3. Thanks for posting this. The tragedy is, those who NEED to read this, more than likely won't.

  4. Color is no issue for me, except that I sometimes wonder if my preference for black tops (I'm a white bottom, some might say a powerbottom) makes me a racist of another sort. I hope not because I really have no color barriers. I will look at and smile at black men i run across, sometimes seeing if they will return my facial greeting, eyeball to eyeball. I won't look away. Young, old, male, female -- blacks are not invisible to me. I want to give them my smile and see if I get one back.

    I will go out of my way like the other night to hold open the door for an old black lady at the supermarket. I would do it for anyone older than me (or younger, whatever), but I especially want to be as helpful, friendly and cheerful for an older black woman for some reason...

    Checking out your blog... Love it so far,

  5. I was thinking as I went about my day that there is another types of discrimination too - age e.g. men between 25 and 40 only need apply! Or, "Bottoms only. I do not take"!

    1. yep, there are TOO many, when I meet a man I access him based on who he is not what I think he is before getting to know him



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