I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Tuesday, December 17, 2013


I watch the people in my life chase after the elusive and I totally get it. But so much heartbreak is wrapped up in people not meeting your expectation- not saying the right words, not doing the right thing, not being in the right place at the right time. It’s unrealistic and it’s unfair.

This week my intention is to love without expectation. Just full-fledged, wholly abandoned love for those in my life whether or not they have the capacity to love me back. I have all I need and I won’t run out of love.

Author, Eugene Peterson, wrote:

“Every day I put love on the line. There is nothing I am less good at than love. I am far better in competition than in love. I am far better at responding to my instincts and ambitions to get ahead and make my mark than I am at figuring out how to love another. I am schooled and trained in acquisitive skills, in getting my own way. And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily– open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.

All this is hazardous work; I live on the edge of defeat all the time. I have never done any of these things to my (or anyone else’s) satisfaction.” (from “A Long Obedience In the Same Direction”)
Whoa. WHOA. He’s right.

I don’t like the idea of holding love for ransom. I don’t like the idea of equating love with winning.

Now, please don’t read this and take it to mean that abuse or neglect is something you should allow to persist in a relationship. That isn’t love.  I’m talking about wanting real love and being willing to give real love in order to find it. Not recklessly. Not flippantly. But taking a risk to treat people how they’d like to be treated in the hopes that one day (even if it’s not right now), they’ll be able to pay it forward. Be the first.


  1. I think if one loves always to get love or something other back, he's making a great mistake! or he will be disappointed for sure 90%. one should love and give gift, or make any favour, without ANY EXPECTATION!!!

    My last Santa Claus here

    and please, vote for Quinn here

    he's absolutely nice sexy marvellous, Worth to win!

  2. True love - caritas in Latin; agape in Greek - EXPECTS no return. It is love freely given. It is what distinguished the Christian in pagan Rome, so that people said, "Look at these Christians. They LOVE one another!" This is unconditioned and unconditional love, freely given, "no strings attached"! It is the challenge that Jesus left his followers, "Love one another as I have loved you." But I guess I fail in it most of the time. But I struggle on, trying to give love without hoping for, or expecting, any return from others. It is better to try and fail than never to try at all.

    1. I don't think you fail, I think it is about balance, no one can be all the way on either side of this

  3. "Love without expectation" but with the hopes that "one day they’ll be able to pay it forward" ??? Then, obviously, it's NOT loving without expectation and this is totally okay.

    We are not vending machines and I don't think it is an unreasonable expectation to want to be loved back to some degree. "Unconditional love' is a myth - it's a phony bullshit expectation doomed to ultimate failure. How long can we go on giving and giving before the well runs dry?

    1. well the thing is not to expect them to do anything it isn't about others, it is about you



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