I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, December 2, 2013


I didn’t really think I had an opinion on HIV. I realise this may sound ignorant or misguided but I grew up in the late 1980's and early 1990's so my teenage years were not a time that really allowed me to discover my sexuality. My abiding memory of that time and my attitude towards sex was one of curiosity. HIV/AIDS was portrayed as the disease to end all humanity. All I know is that if you became infected with HIV, it would rapidly lead to AIDS and then you'd die.

The 'gay curse,' as it was known, was something to fear. There wasn't anything remotely sexy about ‘barebacking’ and it had yet to be fetishized. Not only was it dangerous, it seemed outdated, old fashioned and best left in whispers at the club and social gatherings. Strange how many gay men kept their ‘barebacking’ activity a secret because of the fear of anyone thinking they might get AIDS. Being gay you were warned that the very first time you had unsafe sex you would become infected with HIV. I didn’t take on this view point because I had a relationship and how could I not ‘bareback’ the first time I was going to experience a man for the first time.

I don't take my being HIV-negative for granted but I also don’t allow a fear of HIV to stop me doing what I want to do. My fear of HIV had forced me into a kind of sexual schizophrenia. The way I looked and presented myself and the way I was feeling were completely different. In my 20s, I left a vast number of men with huge erections. I'm not talking up my attractiveness, I'm just saying that although men came knocking, I didn’t open the door. My attitude towards sex has changed and I'm confident in my sexuality. I'm also fully aware of the 'risks', and I’ve realized that a penis isn’t a murder weapon. 


  1. I saw so many of my friends die of AIDS. Some have survived, but one of those has now been given just five months to live. Somehow I remained negative. So much to be grateful for!

  2. This is a decision that each of us must make for ourselves. Mine was to wait until I was reasonably certain that I'd found the man with whom I intended to spend the rest of my life.

    1. many of us navigate the waters of homosexuality in the same fashion, glad you waited :)



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