I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013


Allow me to set the scene. You’ve come to a crossroads where you’re getting more and more comfortable with the idea of settling down. In your mind you’ve planned a tear-jerker of a wedding, chosen the city you’ll both leave your current residences to live  in, and have even decided on children and their names. He’s in a stable career, he loves you to the moon and back, very attractive and the sex is amazing. He knows you. You have a lot of history from when you were younger and unready for the relationship you were in, but you’ve both matured notably since then and things could sincerely be different this time.

Is that a vivid enough picture for you? Good because here comes the plot twist.

A late night text message wakes you up to another previous love pouring out their heart in a way that you know is completely stripped down and honest. Not because they’re drunk, but because they know the hour to reach you to get the most honest reaction. While the other one knows you, this one understands you, and the atmosphere whenever you’re in the room together is electric, everyone can feel it. This is the one that brings out your inner Hot Rod and makes you do things in the bedroom you usually filter out of your tumblr dashboard. With this one there’s no pressure for a title or other real commitments other than exclusivity and supporting one another. And while he doesn’t really have it together yet, his bills are always paid and you know he’ll soon find his way into where he’s supposed to be.

Both are love, both are viable in their own right. The question is, passion or practicality?

As gay men, our relationships are often caricatured as super-sexual and fleeting, fickle and insubstantial. While these are all applicable, there are so many more dynamics to the relationships we engage in, be it sexual or romantic. The above, for example, is a real scenario and could very well be one that you’ve all experienced. With that being said, I’m genuinely interested in what road you would take. When consulting friends with the same scenario (always ask your gays) it seemed that even the most…promiscuous of my friends leaned toward the practicality option, citing reasons such as “What happens when the fire fades and you don’t have that sturdy foundation?” This is a very real question to consider, and even more telling of where my friends are in their lives. At 25+ the majority of them are in the realm of considering where their lives will be 25 years from now and it seems that the family unit is becoming a more common goal amongst my peers.

Is this true for you? Would choose passion or practicality and for what reasons? Do you think it’s possible to have both and would you feel like you’re settling if you didn’t? Sound off! 



  1. if you're looking for commitment then practicality although passion can lead to practicality... chances of those happening? very seldom.

    anyhoo! while I'm here just so you know it's hard for me to comment on your entry. it freezes or kick me out for some odd reason. I do visit your blog as often as I can (I don't want you think that I don't) haha! hope you have a safe and warm holiday :) *hugs

    1. thanks my brother, I visit your blog as often as I can



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