A SINGLE GAY MAN'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING VALENTINE'S DAY

HOW TO HAVE AN ALMOST SORTA HAPPY V-DAY

Whether a love affair just fizzled or you've been flying solo for eons, these 10 suggestions may keep you from totally falling apart on February 14.

OPEN YOUR BLACK HEART

If you want to get militant about your singledom and say crap like "No longer shall we suffer to be the hapless prey of Cupid or the pawns of St. Valentine," do a little research and find a Black Hearts anti-Valentine's Day party in your neck of the woods.

EAT YOUR FEELINGS

No one buying you chocolates and cookies this year? Buy 'em your damn self to complement your inevitable alcohol consumption. If you're going to indulge anyhow, you might as well get the good stuff and support gay-owned businesses like NYC's Schmackary's and L.A.'s Compartés Chocolatier — which is now selling artisan chocolate hearts hand-studded with spices, nuts, and fruits. Mmm... fruity.

RENT A BAD ROMANCE

Instead of dusting off your tear-streaked DVDs of Brokeback Mountain and that random indie from the 1997 LGBT festival circuit, Netflix the newly released Keep the Lights On, the Dorian Award-winning modern love story that'll remind you why gay relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be.

MAKE A SAD PLAYLIST

Because sometimes it's nice to wallow, create a new iPod playlist — or even an old-school mixtape — of moody gay singer-songwriters who sing depressing songs about gay heartbreak and general gay misery. Think Jay Brannan, Matt Morris, Rufus Wainwright, and Frank Ocean in a pinch.

CURL UP WITH A GOOD BOOK

Miss Jackie Collins can provide a temporary escape from your loneliness with her latest novel, The Power Trip, another soapy thriller about rich, spoiled, beautiful people — this time including a gay Latin singing sensation and his older English boyfriend.

FEEL LIKE LESS OF A FREAK

Ugh, let's see what's on TV on the night of Feb. 14... oh, the series premiere of AMC's Freakshow, a reality show about the eccentric family of freaks who work the Venice Beach Boardwalk. That'll do.

BE BITTER AND VENGEFUL

Get an adorable Voodoo doll on Etsy and concentrate on the last guy who did you wrong and left you single — as you stab that tiny whore through the heart.

BUY YOURSELF SOMETHING PRETTY

May we suggest sexy underwear? Feel both desirable and current in Calvin Klein Concepts, David Beckham H&M bodywear, or those Rated M man-panties Mario Lopez is so freakin’ proud of — in red, of course.

MAKE A LAST-MINUTE LOVE CONNECTION

Wipe those tears, tweak those profile pics, and try your luck on the newly redesigned Gay.com.

ENJOY ADULT ENTERTAINMENT

Yup. Porn. Any questions?

SOURCE: GAY DOT COM