I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, June 13, 2011


I believe that there are two forces struggling to dominate our identity; reinvention and nostalgia. The first seeks to imagine and work toward a better future by changing the status quo. The second insists that things were better in the past and works to undo change. Oddly, the opposing forces have come to be represented by sexuality; gay OR straight. It's no secret where my sympathies lie; I am a BIG fan of reinvention. My life and this blog are testaments of that! Of course it helps that I didn't have a rosy past to feel nostalgic towards.  This brings me to the point of this entry; I'm confused by people who seek to return to a life that isn’t authentic.

I imagine someone living an unauthentic life waking one morning to a world in which their family is not like them and the relationships they seek are unlike any other. The public image of romance and love is not like theirs. They were raised believing that gay people are revolting, immoral, sick and even evil even though they know they didn’t choose their sexual orientation. All of these thoughts often play out in my mind, but what brought it to this place was a simple boy @ the barbershop. I’ve seen this young man @ ‘the club’ bumping N’ grinding his way to someone’s place for a ‘night cap.’ This young man dated a gay co-worker of his (said co-worker was on the chubby side and I know he was over the moon that someone took an interest in him sexually) while still holding onto his heterosexuality. How I know he was trying to hold onto his hetero-ness? Well @ the barbershop he brought a girl who I can assume is his gf and they were all over each other and he kept looking in my direction to see if I was watching.

I sat there thinking to myself how sad this boy must be inside because he feels forced to hide who he is as a result of society's condemnation. He is tormented by a yearning that presumably requires a lot of lubrication (I kid or do I?) because he loves the freedom ‘the club’ gave him. I imagine that his sexual orientation was shaped @ an early age. How can he picture himself in a world where is the subject of verbal and even physical abuse? This is the world gay, lesbian and bisexual persons find themselves in each day. If you were him, would you choose this life if you didn't have to do so?


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