WE CONFUSE...

THE FOLLOWING MSN CHAT SESSION SPARKED THIS BLOG ENTRY:

HIM says: I so flippin' horny

ME says: sending a man yr way...

ME says: lol

HIM says: Who

U laffin I so serious

ME says: Terrance

HIM says: I bin molesting myself for too fuckin' long

He een here

ME says: that's all u should be trying to get

Terrance

HIM says: Ummm he een here n I need to fuck

ME says: i c

HIM says: Throwing that righteous shit out da window right
now

ME says: I hear ya

HIM says: I'm not as fortunate as u to live with my
lover

ME says: even if noel didn't live with me

HIM says: N get sex when I horny

ME says: I wouldn't be trying to get sex elsewhere

HIM says: Hmmm

Well I'm not going to deprive myself of sex coz he
don't want have sex

ME says: then u should leave

b free and get sex whenever u want

If u have to hide it from him

U know it isn't right

But get yrs

Make sure use condoms

HIM says: I always do

Even with him

ME says: OK

Now before you take the position that MANY other gays take (you have
a LOVING relationship, so you don’t understand) don’t you ever wonder why we  as human beings confuse naming a thing with
knowing it? For instance, how does a gay man REALLY know love? Is
it the word? Is it two people (in this
case Noel and I) that just
happen to respect each other @ the highest level? Or is it action that can ONLY exist when we get horny?

It couldn’t be
that element whose survival is dependent upon a fragile ecological balance, a
perfect blend of minerals, sunlight, weather, and, ultimately, sub-atomic
particles that have been zipping around since the birth of the universe, right? I TOTALLY get where he is coming from and
it is my hope that one day he can STOP carving his idea of love it into small pieces,
that were sent to a love factory, shaped it into a love and shipped to a store. One
day he can see love for it REALLY is…something
that should NOT be purchase OR beg for.

I will not judge him, I just hope that he knows that one day
as he ventures into the jungle to begin his hunt, donning a mask to confuse his
prey. Not a mask meant to frighten, a mask that is pleasant to eyes that makes
him think what he is doing is harmless so he can get close and strike a lethal blow
that is hiding his selfish façade will crack. For the mask that camouflages a predator
can camouflage his ‘prey’ as well and
he can find himself being devoured and torn apart with NO one to hear his screams but Noel and I. We all know that the jungle
is accustomed to the sounds of agony that just bodies love leaving it barely
alive, with just a little strength where it can crawl back to its village
where, to its horror, it discovers that its ‘prey’
has taken possession of its hut. Now helpless and homeless, love will be forced
to live the rest of its days in the wild, feeding what the scum beneath the
scum feeds on…